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All posts tagged
moderates
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March 4, 2020I Am the Mythical Obama-Trump Voter, and From Now Until Election Day You Must Worship Me As Your God
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February 5, 2020I’ll Have to Vote For Trump Because the Democrats Are Too Liberal and Also Because I’m Possessed By the Demon Abaddon and His Army of Locusts
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January 28, 2020Democrats Must Appeal to the Tiny Margin of People Who Voted for Trump and Might Be Open to Supporting a Moderate Democrat in 2020
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November 12, 2019Liberals Must Stop Condemning My Moral Cowardice and General Ineptitude
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October 15, 2019Bernie’s Policies Are Good, But How Can He Appeal to the Absolute Worst People Ever?
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August 9, 2019We Need a Wizard Who Can Appeal to the Moderate Orc Voter
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August 1, 2019I Am Running for President and My Message to the American People Is Simple: Please Don’t Yell at Me
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July 31, 2019We Can’t Risk Losing to Donald Trump By Believing In Anything
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July 30, 2019A Moderate’s Guide to Winning the 2020 Election
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July 18, 2019I Am Against Identity Politics, by Which I Mean I Am In Favor of White Identity Politics
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
Recently
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November 4, 2024Don’t Worry—This Is Exactly How the Founding Fathers Intended You to Feel on Election Day
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November 4, 2024270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us
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November 4, 2024Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen