Three years into this administration, and just a year removed from the general election, I find myself amazed that the Democrats haven’t yet gained a clue as to how to unseat Donald Trump from office and reverse this dangerous course we find ourselves on as a nation. Despite his numerous and profound crimes, the atrocities he has overseen and encouraged, and a culture of corruption that pervades the White House, liberals, millennials, and other safe-space dilettantes are still clearly missing the point.
The answer to Trump’s removal is not impeachment. It’s not activism, organizing, or even voting. As I’ve been screaming from the rooftops for years, there is only one foolproof, sure-fire way to bridge the gap with real Americans, undo the polarization that the left has caused, and end this administration’s tenure: Let me, personally, say whatever I want to anyone at any time. That’s right, you cancel-culture vultures: Political correctness is slowly killing America, and the simple answer is to just let me be an asshole.
Instead of fighting over which of the 37 genders you are, advocating for healthcare for the marginalized and disenfranchised, or fighting to protect the personhood of the most vulnerable among us, I have a far more effective alternative: let me be a morally bankrupt goon without any repercussion. Millions of ordinary Americans voted for Trump because they, like me, view politics only as a medium through which they can screech like starved, confused hyenas at anyone with an even remotely differing worldview. Face it, coastal elites — your avocado toast, hemp tote bags, and assumption that every human being deserves an agreed-upon set of basic dignities won’t save us from Trump. But perhaps letting me vomit baseless garbage questioning the validity of other people’s motivations and identities will.
I speak for your average voter in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Ohio when I say that our national political conversation has become so polluted by “wokeness” and “pc culture” that I can barely perpetuate any of my blatantly offensive ideologies or whisper one of the many coded slurs I’ve so enjoyed using over the years. What happened to the times where we as Americans could come together and agree upon the fundamental meaning of our institutions, mainly, the ones that protect my right to be a prick without getting harassed on one of the many public platforms in which I spout my retrograde nonsense. Now, we’re more concerned with calling out the various transgressions and wrongdoings committed by individuals in power than we are with letting me make an ass of myself by intentionally misunderstanding the most basic reasons people involve themselves in politics to begin with. Did you ever stop to think that your right to exist freely, peacefully, and justly conflicts with my right to be a total dipshit? Was this great nation built by a bunch of entitled participation trophy receiving softies? Was World War II won by a bunch of socialists and aggressively judgmental millennials quick to call their far-right opposition “Nazis”?
For the record, I don’t care who the Democratic nominee is. Things like “healthcare,” “institutional stability,” and the “sanctity of the human life” don’t really matter to me. I just want liberals to stop being dismissive and condemning of my moral cowardice and general ineptitude. Millions of assholes, like me, might even vote for Trump just to spite militant progressives. We are mostly concerned with electing a president who will allow us to maintain our bully pulpit so we can continue to dehumanize and belittle the urgent needs and aspirations of an electorate not yet resigned to living in an Orwellian-hellscape.
Sorry to be the one to tell you, libs. But to beat an asshole, you have to be an asshole. To everyone. About everything. All the time.