Hey, man, it’s me. It’s Bob Seger! Yeah, man!
Here’s a pile of papers that I hope will clear up everything with the IRS. Honestly, I didn’t think my little old-time side hustle needed to
be reported to Johnny Uncle Sam Government but that’s rock n’ roll! Is it? I’m not sure! Yeah!
Anyhoo, I did start a little company back when I was young, before the music thing took off. I was young, broke, and I looked too weird for
anyone to hire. I was seven-feet tall and people found my height troubling (I’ve dropped a foot since then) (exercise). My pants were too tight and I was, not sure how else to put it, pointy. The seven-foot-tall tight-pants pointy guy, well, no one wanted to hire him. Ha! Yeah!
I had one thing going for me, though. A big van. She had black mold on her so thick it looked like hair and her headlights didn’t work. I
installed big fiberglass breasts on her, way up high, like covering most of the windshield. I was lonely. Her name was Beccany. I drove
her and I lived in her. Parked her out in the cornfields near the woods, I’d sleep in the back. She was a ‘60 Chevy. I loved that big moldy van.
There in the cornfields, I would sit in the back and talk to Beccany and we’d try to figure out how to make some money when all we had was a tall pointy human with tight pants and a van! It was a mystery. We had no clues.
Then it hit me! What about people who need to move overnight? Like they’re arguing with their old man or old lady. And they gotta get out
of there, man! Pull up roots! Grab the eight-track and the ferns and vamoose before sun-up! A moving company just for last-minute overnight customers. I said, “Whaddya think, Beccany?”
And she said, “That’s a great idea, Bob Seger!” in a kind of rumbly engine voice. I’m pretty sure. Or is that impossible? Aw, I don’t know, man! I’m Bob Seger!
Now back then, there were print newspapers everywhere, including the drive-in. We advertised in that one on the front page for all the
people who got in fights at the drive-in and wanted to move that night. Like maybe some Steve McQueen movie got them all worked up and it was splitsville! We called ourselves “Bob Seger and Beccany the Breasted Van’s Nocturnal Relocation and Transportation Company.” While we waited for business to pick up, we picked up some robbery work. We’d steal, brother!
Ah, man, we’d just steal away. Did it every chance we could. Break in, take stuff from the backroom to the alley and then into Beccany to drive it out in the trusty woods. We used each other’s skills and we were happy. Each got our share too, me and Beccany, fifty-fifty.
No one could remember the name of our company so finally we just said, “We’re working for Night Moves.” Night Moves! Then one day, Beccany broke down and died. I tried keeping the business going with just my body. I was built like a rock back then, but my hands got too full, brother. Finally, I had to fall back on music and I hired a gang of werewolf killers to become my “Silver Bullet Band” (that line of work is sporadic so they needed jobs).
Man, I forgot about Night Moves for a long time, despite singing the jingle for it at every concert. I remembered it again last night when, while out for a stroll, I got struck by lightning. I woke to the sound of thunder and tried to do some quick math triangulation. Before I knew it, I was humming a song from back then. Not the Night Moves song, it was a private little song called “Bob Loves Beccany, The Van With Fiberglas Breasts.” (Catchy little tune. It would become “Against the Wind”).
So I hope you can use these papers. A lot of them are lyrics and others are napkins but there may be business things in there. As for me, I gotta get back to workin’ and practicin’.