As I understand it, there’s been a bit of turmoil over the way politicians and reporters are expected to dress on Capitol Hill. As a feminist and high-level staffer in my father’s White House who is also not at all involved in politics in any way, I am tackling this problem head-on. It’s just like Mahatma Gandhi famously said: “Be the change you want to see in the dress code.”
In order to architect the ideal wardrobe for all female reporters and politicians (until Vice President Pence formally rescinds women’s reading and writing privileges), I, a woman who works, have designed a new fashion line that meets all the guidelines for appropriate attire in the political arena. It is such a pleasure to introduce to you the Ivanka Trump Capitol Hill Appropriate Wear Collection.
First up is the Ivanka Trump Real News Shift. This stunning, sleeveless dress hits just above the knee and is so versatile you can wear it anywhere, except for on maternity leave. It costs $178 and comes in three amazing colors: Whisper, Demure, and Rosé. It’s linen, so, it will definitely show every drop of sweat and wrinkle as soon as you sit down. So when you’re wearing it, just work harder and stand up straighter. Crisis averted!
If you’re really feeling inspired, you’ll love the Toni Morrison By Ivanka Trump Sheath. This breezy cotton dress is tapered at the waist and says: I’m a master who would never be a slave to time. You’ll want to buy this in every color: Snowflake, Cloud, Paper, Bone, Vanilla, Dove, Eggshell, Sugar, Swan, and Iceberg. (Note: Iceberg will likely be discontinued by 2032.) At only $218 a pop, you, like all American women, can have them all.
What can’t you legislate when you’re wearing the Ivanka Trump Persistence Frock? You’ll want to say yes to this dress, and also to my dad’s health care plan, when you slip on this gorgeous, shoulder-baring number. At just $198, this smooth poly-cotton blend comes in eye-catching colors like Blue Sky, Sunset, and Jargon. It will feel as good on your skin as it did under the fingers of whatever non-blonde children stitched it together in a Chinese factory.
Just because you can’t go wrong with a solid doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go for a bold pattern at work. I advocate taking risks in all aspects of my life, because when you fail honestly nothing that bad will happen to you. Everything always works out when you believe in yourself, and when you’re wearing the Ivanka Trump All-American Striped Midi Dress. Try the $229 classic in nautical navy and white, red and white, or go for the big three: blue, red, and white. If you think it looks like the Russian flag, you’re probably being complicit in a negative vision.
You might be thinking: How is an Ivanka Capitol Hill Collection sleeveless dress different from less expensive sleeveless dresses sold by other retailers, or the sleeveless dresses I already have in my closet? To that I say: It sounds like you’re paraphrasing the four questions from the Passover seder, and as a Jewess, I find that offensive.
As a newly conservative female, I understand that you don’t have to show off your arms to prove that you’re fashionable. That’s why, in addition to these chic designs, I’m offering the Ivanka Trump Handmaid’s Robe. With billowing sleeves and a loose fit through the body, this caftan-style cloak says: “I’m not trying too hard. No, really, I swear, I’m not trying to do anything, please don’t take away my children.” It costs $165 and only comes in red.