List: Psychic Predictions From the Narcissistic Magic 8 Ball
by Danny Gallagher (1/26/2005)

List: Ten Things the Guy at Starbucks Is Thinking While Looking at the Brunette Barista Behind the Counter
by Jonathan Shipley (1/26/2005)

If Bush’s Speech Had Rocked as Hard as His Inauguration
by Wendy Molyneux (1/26/2005)

Sestina: Dear Thrasher: Adapted From a Letter to the Editor Printed in Thrasher Skateboarding Magazine, April 2003
by Sonya Huber (1/25/2005)

List: Famous Names Rewritten in a World Greatly Influenced by the Main Character of a 1982 Disney Movie
by Josh Kramer (1/24/2005)

List: Discarded Titles for George Orwell’s 1984
by Jez Burrows (1/24/2005)

List: Things I’d Probably Say If the Bush Administration Were Just a Weekly TV Show and I Were a Regular Viewer
by Eric Maierson (1/24/2005)

Welcome to Cancún!
by Teddy Wayne (1/24/2005)

Today, Some Lists
by Eric Maierson, Jez Burrows and Josh Kramer (1/21/2005)

List: Customer Comments: Bible or Satanic Bible?
by Steven Seighman (1/19/2005)

List: Leaders of the Hip-Hop Nation
by Jason Feifer (1/19/2005)

Making Reruns of Television Sitcoms More Exciting by Adding a Weapon
by Dan Kennedy (1/19/2005)

The Five People You Meet in Hell
by Litsa Dremousis (1/18/2005)

In Regard to Surviving in a World With James Caan
by D. J. Kirkbride (1/17/2005)

Sestina: Our History
by Stephen Burt (1/17/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Mulling Over the Offseason
by Rick Paulas (1/16/2005)

List: Songs I Might Perform During a Cabaret Act Designed to Break Gently to My Mother That I Am a Crossdresser
by Melvyn Brown (1/14/2005)

List: Scratch-and-Sniff Books That Have Failed the Test of Time
by Koji Park (1/14/2005)

List: Actual Opening Lines Used on Me by Business-to-Business Telemarketers
by Eric Wrisley (1/14/2005)

“Rockin’ It, Frat Party Style!”: A Short Story Geared to College Students, Written By a 30-Something Author
by Mike Sacks (1/14/2005)

It’s A Lucky Thing For Stem Cell Research That The Following Passages Aren’t In The Bible
by David Ng (1/12/2005)

Sestina: The Vision
by Lewis Turco (1/12/2005)

E Mail Shorthand That Civil War Soldiers Would Likely Have Used In Letters Home Had The Technology Been Available To Them
by Rob Eccles (1/11/2005)

Ladies and Gentlemen, This Is Your Captain Speaking
by Jason Lathrop (1/10/2005)

Dispatches From a Real McSweeney: Cappadocia, Xenophon, The Priest, and All That
by Timothy McSweeney (1/9/2005)

Kevin Dolgin Tells You About Places You Should Go In Europe: The Third Tower Up From the Road: Huanghuacheng, China
by Kevin Dolgin (1/8/2005)

List: Alternative Punishments for the Monkey, Seeing How Spanking is Cruel
by Rob Sears (1/7/2005)

List: Gentrification of Popular Rap Lyrics
by Cougar Moxley (1/7/2005)

List: “Before-and-After” Puzzles Deemed Unsuitable for Use by the Producers of Wheel of Fortune
by Steve Krodman (1/7/2005)

iReel: A User’s Guide
by Jeremy Richards (1/6/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. Click the button to donate. Thank you!