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List: Translated Thoughts and Questions That Are Running Through a North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum in the United States, Settles Down, Turns on the Television, and the First Thing He Sees Is a Fancy Feast Cat-Food Commercial
by David Aldridge (4/26/2005)

A Brief History of Bacon: A Quarter Century of Washington Basketball
by The Wizznutzz (4/26/2005)

Translated Thoughts And Questions That Are Running Through A North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum In The United States, Settles Down, Turns On The Television, And The First Thing He Sees Is A Fancy Feast Cat Food Commercial
by David Aldridge (4/26/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Dead Joints in My Feet
by Jen Shipon (4/26/2005)

A Treasury Of Modern Love Stories To Fill The Void Between Valentine’s Day And Sweetest Day
by Anthony Jaffe (4/25/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Essential Choices Regarding a Roster Composed Entirely of Fictional Characters Played by Kevin Costner
by Rick Paulas (4/25/2005)

List: Actual Ways I Have Been Flirted With That, in the Future, I Wish You Would Refrain From, With Explanations as to Why, and Suggestions for Alternative Methods
by Aimee Hennessy (4/22/2005)

List: Things This City Was Built On, Besides Rock ‘n’ Roll
by Eric March (4/22/2005)

List: Fortune-Cookie Sayings That Are Misleading and, At Times, Dangerous When Used as Road Signs
by Justin Kahn (4/22/2005)

If Only They Kept Diaries: Barbie
by Jeff Steinbrink (4/22/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Exorbitant Sum of Money I Just Inherited From My Grandfather, Whom I Didn’t Really Like
by Josh Cohen (4/22/2005)

Monologue: Microsoft Office Assistant: The Paper Clip
by Justin Kahn (4/21/2005)

List: Kanye West’s Lyric “The Way School Need Teachers / The Way Kathie Lee Needed Regis / That’s the Way I Need Jesus,” Adapted for Other Religions
by Martin Bell (4/20/2005)

List: Reasons to Fear Canada
by Sean Carman (4/20/2005)

List: The Next Thing Said After Select Famous Phrases
by Marc Tyler Nobleman (4/20/2005)

Passive-Aggressive Vegan Grocery Cashier: A Day in the Life
by Meredith Gray (4/19/2005)

Scenes From The Undead Big Chill
by Ross Murray (4/18/2005)

Sestina: Pub Crawl
by Edward Barker (4/18/2005)

List: Chapter Headings on the Directions for IRS Form 1040 That Will Become the Titles of Best-Selling Thrillers by John Grisham, C.P.A
by Eric Silver (4/15/2005)

List: Sentences That, If Used by Judges in a Spelling Bee, Would Prove Totally Unhelpful to Contestants Attempting to Derive the Meaning of the Word
by Jack Schneider and Moses Rifkin (4/15/2005)

List: Selected Passages From the Bible: The King (Fred) Phelps Version
by Owen Morris (4/15/2005)

The Philadelphia Flyers Have A Time Machine: Installment Four
by Dave Johnston (4/15/2005)

Art Garfunkel: Television Guest Star
by John Moe (4/14/2005)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: “Red Skies” by The Fixx
by Jeff Podeszwa (4/13/2005)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Fake Boobs My Husband Bought His Ex Girlfriend
by Milla Wicks (4/13/2005)

Yahoo’s Mailer Daemon Automated Reply For Failed E-Mail Delivery Is Getting A Little Too Intimate
by Teddy Wayne (4/12/2005)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Mailbag Four
by Rick Paulas (4/12/2005)

Sestina: Oratio Moderna
by Ethan Paquin (4/11/2005)

Excerpt From The Neurotic’s Guide To Shanghai
by J. Chris Rock (4/11/2005)

List: Things That Did Not Stay in Vegas
by Frayn Masters and Kevin Sampsell (4/9/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.