The 4-Year-Old Enters Anger Management
by Ross Murray (5/25/2006)

Ryan Seacrest Breaks Bad News
by Sarah Schmelling (5/24/2006)

List: Reasons Not to Fear the Reaper
by Richie Kulchar (5/24/2006)

List: Possible Marketing Gimmicks That Took the NBA From “Earn 3 A’s and Get FREE Tickets” to “Guns for Tickets” in Only 20 Years
by Katie Sweeney (5/24/2006)

List: Mobile-Phone Models That Improve Upon the RAZR, SLVR, and PEBL
by Jeremy Todd and Katherine Thompson (5/24/2006)

Utopian Endings For Reality Shows
by Kate Hahn (5/23/2006)

Jokes by Brian Beatty: Pigs
by Brian Beatty (5/23/2006)

Why There Aren’t Many Right Wing Observational Comedians
by Teddy Wayne (5/22/2006)

This Is Your Brain On Drugs
by Greg Ruehlmann (5/19/2006)

Jokes by Brian Beatty: JC Penney
by Brian Beatty (5/19/2006)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Amazon Parrot I Have Been Supporting for Over 15 Years Who Still Tries to Bite Me for No Apparent Reason
by Renee Prince (5/19/2006)

FreeDarko’s Executive Quarters of Organized Basketball: Os Brazões
by Dr. Lawyer Indianchief (5/18/2006)

List: Where I Would Look for Hungry, Hungry Hippos
by Andrew Hoyt (5/18/2006)

Monologue: The Garter Snake in 11-Year-Old Kevin Wackerbarth’s Terrarium
by Ned Rust (5/18/2006)

Classroom Smoking Policies, Art History 542, Oberlin, 1970
by Tony Antoniadis (5/17/2006)

Dispatches From a Public Librarian: Dispatch 22: Fun With Cutters
by Scott Douglas (5/17/2006)

Chuck Norris Candidly Speaks Out On Torture as He Wins a Lifetime Achievement Award for Choreography at the First Annual Waco, Texas, Film Festival
by David Aldridge (5/16/2006)

Expert Help for Your Fantasy Baseball Franchise: Tales of the Heckle, Part IV
by Rick Paulas (5/16/2006)

Sestina: (with fire): A Twin Peaks Sestina
by Chip Livingston (5/16/2006)

The Convergences Contest: Contest Winner #10: Gutshot
by Jason Torchinsky (5/16/2006)

List: Popular Musicians If England Had Won the Revolutionary War
by S.F. Purschwitz (5/15/2006)

Ladies And Gentlemen Of The Jury
by Jon Fitch (5/12/2006)

Monologue: David Caruso Scolds His Cat About Its Lackadaisical Litter Box Use
by Brian Graham (5/11/2006)

FreeDarko’s Executive Quarters of Organized Basketball: Don’t Think I’m Just a Violent Guy
by Bethlehem Shoals (5/11/2006)

List: Habits That Are Harder to Break Than Peter Cetera’s Ex-Girlfriend
by Douglas Edwards (5/11/2006)

List: Good Advice From a Grand Theft Auto Dating FAQ
by David Abrams (5/11/2006)

List: Signs That America May Be Having a Love Affair With the Automobile
by Darren Addy (5/11/2006)

List: Possible Names for a Child Conceived by an Almond Fanatic and a Lover of the Movie Young Guns
by Eric Feezell (5/11/2006)

Further Evidence That Sportscenter Has Lost All Connection To Reality
by Ben Steele (5/10/2006)

Jokes by Brian Beatty: Pet Theory
by Brian Beatty (5/10/2006)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. You can support us today by making a donation.