List: Ways in Which She Could Have Blinded Me With Science
by Jules Lipoff (2/11/2005)

List: Titles From the Hockey-Lockout Erotica Library
by Joe O'Neill (2/9/2005)

List: NFL Mascots That Could Not Actually Wear A Football Helmet Without Suffocating
by Sarah Walter (2/9/2005)

Superman’s Fortress of Solitude
by Rick Stoeckel (2/9/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper: Part 11
by Dan Kennedy (2/8/2005)

Reading-Too-Much-Into-Things Comprehension
by Geoff Haggerty (2/8/2005)

Dispatches From a Real McSweeney: Do You Know That You Have Royal Blood?
by Timothy McSweeney (2/7/2005)

When Dakota Fanning Travels To Spain For A Junior Semester Abroad, She Will Take Full Advantage Of The Experience
by Sarah Walker (2/7/2005)

List: Last Lines From Best American Short Stories Not Yet Written
by Wayne Gladstone (2/6/2005)

List: Food and Drink Combinations That Would Make a Horrible Afterschool Snack but a Great Buddy Cop Team
by Lisa Seger (2/6/2005)

List: Airlines That Never Took Off
by Lindsay Kaplan (2/6/2005)

Super Bowl Lore
by Adam Underhill (2/4/2005)

List: Necrophiliac Pickup Lines
by Mike DiCenzo (2/3/2005)

List: Alternate Captions for Seven Family Circus Cartoons
by Adam Eli Clem (2/3/2005)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: “Wonderful” by Everclear
by Mike Cisneros (2/3/2005)

John Moe’s Pop Song Correspondences: A Letter Between Siblings Who Lived in the House Described in “Our House” by Madness
by John Moe (2/3/2005)

Commandments the Almighty Decided to Drop in His Seventh Revision So As Not to Overwhelm His Chosen People
by Derek Breen (2/2/2005)

Dan Kennedy Solves Your Problems With Paper – Installment 11
by Dan Kennedy (2/1/2005)

Notes From a Blizzard Shut-In
by Jason Roeder (1/31/2005)

Dispatches From Roy Kesey, An American Guy Married to a Peruvian Diplomat Living in China: Dispatch 20: The Lunar Year, New, Again
by Roy Kesey (1/31/2005)

List: New State Names Resulting From the Coming Wave of Mergers and Acquisitions
by Michael Ward (1/28/2005)

You Can’t Be a Little Bit Pregnant
by Martin Bell (1/28/2005)

The Fabulous Friends: Conservative Christian Groups’ Least-Favorite All-Star Cartoon
by Teddy Wayne (1/27/2005)

List: Imperatives From the Mail-Order Catalog “Collections, Inc.”
by Laura Ellis (1/26/2005)

List: Seldom-Seen Lunchbox Notes From Mothers
by Peter Cunniffe (1/26/2005)

List: Play-by-Play of Classic Sports Rivalries If the Team Names Actually Represented the Combatants. And Also, Instead of Playing the Sport, They’re Fighting to the Death
by Geoff Haggerty (1/26/2005)

List: Psychic Predictions From the Narcissistic Magic 8 Ball
by Danny Gallagher (1/26/2005)

List: Ten Things the Guy at Starbucks Is Thinking While Looking at the Brunette Barista Behind the Counter
by Jonathan Shipley (1/26/2005)

If Bush’s Speech Had Rocked as Hard as His Inauguration
by Wendy Molyneux (1/26/2005)

Sestina: Dear Thrasher: Adapted From a Letter to the Editor Printed in Thrasher Skateboarding Magazine, April 2003
by Sonya Huber (1/25/2005)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store. We’re also transitioning to a nonprofit and would greatly appreciate your help. Click the button to donate. Thank you!