List: People I’d Have Sex with to Avoid “Dialing Down the Middle” with Carrot Top, As Revealed by a Recent Game of “Who Would You Rather Sleep With?”
by Evany Thomas (11/12/2003)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: On “Alison.”
by A.D. Hoover (11/10/2003)

Sestina: I Dreamed I Wrote This Sestina In My Maidenform Bra
by Denise Duhamel (11/7/2003)

List: Things You Should Not Substitute for Whipped Cream During Food Sex, Even if You Are Out of Whipped Cream
by Jay Wexler (11/6/2003)

List: Why Love Is Blind
by Matthew Simmons (11/6/2003)

List: List of Organizations, People, and Anthropomorphic Endangered Species That, for Funds-Soliciting Purposes, Purchased My Closely Held New Mailing Address from the ACLU, Which I Recently Joined, Ironically, to Support Privacy Rights
by Nicolas Duquette (11/6/2003)

Early Bird Report Card
by Pasha Malla (11/6/2003)

McSweeney’s Brain Exploder: An Errant Spelling Production
by Carlton Doby (11/5/2003)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Makers of “Valtrex” (Glaxosmithkline)
by Nathan McIntire (11/5/2003)

Journal Entries from Sara Grady, Who is Studying Horseshoe Crabs on Cape Cod: November 5
by Sara Grady (11/5/2003)

About the Meet the Teacher Night
by Ken Krimstein (11/4/2003)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Little Children Who Play in the Alley and Like to Throw Stuff At My Car
by Aimee Dolby (11/4/2003)

A Message from the Principal
by Jason Roeder (11/3/2003)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Louis XIV
by Michael Rossi (11/3/2003)

Q&O: A Conversation with Poet-O, the Poet Laureate of Central Park: Part III
by Joe Pacheco (11/2/2003)

List: Random Book Dedications Read From the Bargain Bin
by Brandon Rogers (10/31/2003)

List: Albert Einstein College of Medicine Professor or Dr. Pepper Knock-Off Brand?
by Jules Lipoff (10/31/2003)

Body Cavity
by Ross Martin (10/31/2003)

Ghost Stories With Hidden Agendas: Spending The Night In the Haunted House
by Karen Sneider (10/30/2003)

Ghost Stories With Hidden Agendas: Room For One More
by Karen Sneider (10/30/2003)

Ghost Stories With Hidden Agendas: The Ghostly Passenger
by Karen Sneider (10/30/2003)

An Important Message from Mephistopheles, Servant of the Prince of the Devils, from His Condo in Boca Raton
by Juan Martinez (10/30/2003)

Open Letters: An Open Letter to Apartment W5
by Bob Steinhagen (10/30/2003)

Sestina: And The World Should Not Think Your Cherry
by Elizabeth Hildreth (10/29/2003)

McSweeney’s Brain Exploder: Spooky Halloween “Phil” In The Blank
by Carlton Doby (10/29/2003)

Sumotalk: Nagoya Basho
by Kenji Heilman and Mike Wesemann (10/29/2003)

Short Essays on Favorite Songs, Inspired by Nick Hornby’s Songbook: “Fame Throwa” by Pavement
by Mark Walters (10/28/2003)

What Kind of Ghost Do You Have?
by Brian Bieber (10/28/2003)

Creepy Clown under the Bed’s Telepathic Message to Child in Bed, Age Five and a Half
by Melissa Bell (10/27/2003)

List: Jokes I May Have Misremembered
by David Fischer and Shauna McKenna (10/23/2003)

McSweeney’s is a publishing company based in San Francisco.
As well as operating a daily humor website, we also publish Timothy McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, the Believer, and an ever-growing selection of books under various imprints. You can buy all of these things from our online store.