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More Politically Neutral End Zone Slogans for the NFL
“IT TAKES ALL OF US”
This phrase could mean anything from “It Takes All of Us to Stop Musk from Turning Our Country into a Fascist Broligarchy” to “It Takes All of Us to Stop the Steal, so Let’s Dress Up Like Camo Vikings and Storm the Capitol.” -
I Got My Dog Talking Buttons, and Now He’s Selling Health Insurance
“I’m pretty sure what he is doing is illegal. He seems to be fleecing senior citizens by getting their bank info after convincing them he has an impressive supplemental Medicare plan.” -
Spines for Senators Is Now Pitchforks for the People
“It is with a heavy heart that we admit Spines for Senators has failed in its mission to provide invertebrate lawmakers with the transformational surgeries they so desperately need.” -
Welcome to Cybertruck Anger Management
“The future isn’t just coming for us; it’s coming in the shape of a post-apocalyptic wedge that was designed by someone who still owns the ‘Entourage’ movie on Blu-ray. It’s the Cybertruck, and it’s here to ruin your whole day.” -
Lists
Various Ways How I, a Gay Man, Use the Word “Mama”
“Mama…”
When my friend has only been at this new job for six months, and they tell me they want to quit without a backup plan.
Trending
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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October 11, 2006Back from Yet Another Globetrotting Adventure, Indiana Jones Checks His Mail and Discovers That His Bid for Tenure Has Been Denied
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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January 27, 2025Executive Order: We Must Stop Everyone from Transitioning, So the President Knows Who to Grope
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
Interviews, Essays, and Excerpts
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February 7, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Martine Syms
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February 6, 2025McSweeney’s Books: An Interview with Jason Roeder about Griefstrike!, His Humor Book about Grief
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January 31, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Ask Carrie
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January 28, 2025Reviews of New Food: Jeni’s Cosmic Bloom Ice Cream
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January 24, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Inside Out
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 7, 2025Short Conversations with Poets: Carol Moldaw
News & Announcements
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A collection of riotously entertaining columns, written for The Believer magazine during its years in the desert.
Recent Posts
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 5, 2025An Open Letter to the Old Man Who Bartered with My Cancer-Patient Daughter at the Community Yard Sale Fundraiser
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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February 4, 2025If Crooks Were Studying My Every Move to Pull an Ocean’s 11–Style Heist on Me
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February 3, 2025We Democrats Will Fight Back Just as Soon as We Can Get Our Shit Together
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