Mom’s Mahjong table

I know it, you know it, and the family dog knows it: Not all of those Tostitos are going into those women’s mouths. Catch up on flavorful appetizers and neighborhood gossip this summer by squatting under the kitchen four-top in between Betsy-From-Down-The-Street’s loafers and Jan-Whose-Daughter-Got-a-DUI’s Reebok sandals. If you’re lucky, someone will even knock that can of La Croix off the table and into your waiting arms.

Genius Bar at the Apple Store

Let’s face it: Talk is cheap. MacBooks aren’t. I mean, what does Steve Jobs’ immortal black turtleneck expect you to do, shell out a million bucks for a simple memory issue? Practice those pesky keegles under this chic piece to cool off and tune in for some useful advice.

Schwartz Family Reunion at California Pizza Kitchen

The Schwartzes are here, and that means everyone will be too busy listening to drunk Uncle Jeremy toast new-grad Beth to notice a few absent pizza slices or salad croutons. Get in on that sundried-tomato and grilled shrimp bliss when you crab-walk under this sticky booth. Watch out for the waiters, though — CPK employees are required to keep tabs on under-the-table sneaks.

Fold-out table on the Amtrak

Temperatures are rising and suburban dwellers are heading toward the urban — take advantage of this migration and nab a spot under one of these locomotive accoutrements before someone else does.

New York Pride float

When I say “Equal rights!” you say “Get under this table!” Scoff at the big banks’ corporatization of Pride by hopping under a float. Table that, TD Bank!

The new wine and paint bar in town

Want to talk about whining? Imagine holing up under a table with no personality! Give your right brain a well deserved break this summer by folding your limbs under a table at that new wine and paint bar in town, where conversation flows freely and customers are focused on the tops of their tables.

Your interviewer’s desk

Nothing says “Hire me for this position” like a quick lunge under a level surface. Impress future employers by sitting across from them at the start of the interview, then disappearing beneath your résumé and writing samples before you can get to discussing previous work experience.