8. No hockey. (Except for in Canada, where some people settled from the Underground Railroad).
7. Atlanta has U.N. Headquarters.
6. CMT is dismantled.
5. British Parliamentary wigs are 3a-4c curls.
4. The U.S. Constitution finally decrees viewing Greta Gerwig films as optional.
4b. There’s a new amendment, which is just a photograph of James Baldwin looking stern.
3. White people pay 3/5ths more for cotton underwear.
2. Snoop Dogg inherits Martha Stewart’s empire — if he wants it.
1. I get personally paid $2 every time I hear see a chin beard, hear Vanessa Carlton in public, or mayonnaise appears unexpectedly on my food.