The Hunger Games

It is, of course, unfortunate that the laws of Panem disproportionately and negatively affect the Districts, but did Katniss’ people consider going through appropriate legal channels? To be fair, each District has had its own leadership for decades. So, it seems, the issues with unequal justice are more of a problem because of District governance, not because of the Capitol.

The Breakfast Club

Where to begin? That Bender kid, the one who looks way too old to be in high school? We’re supposed to feel bad for him? We had it rough too, and we turned out just fine. In fact, dads putting out cigars on our flesh made us the great, patriotic, peacekeeping, patriots we are today after we received readily available physical and emotional support.

Robin Hood

The charitable acts of Robin and his band of merry marauders are undoubtedly admirable. Yet, we have grave reservations because Robin Hood circumvents the system and harms people who are wealthy through no fault of their own. Instead of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, why not consider a flat-tax system? Or a privately funded jobs-training program? Maybe if the poor people simply pull themselves up by their poulaines, they could escape their terrible situation and move into a nice, safe vassal neighborhood.

Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope

We are strict constructionists and believe the movie framers would truly want us to know that Han shot first, which is a crying shame because that kind of unnecessary violence invalidates not only all the good work Solo does for the rest of the films, but also all the good work every other rebel does. Some people might even call Han a “thug,” but we leave that up to you.

Escape from New York

An excellent film (minus the escape part) that demonstrates why building walls keeps America safe.


Not only does James Cameron completely misrepresent why Blue Lives matter, but Jake Sully gets brainwashed and shifts from American hero injured fighting in Venezuela (for America!) to some sort of tree-hugging militant Al Gore-type.

Dead Poet’s Society

Problems start almost immediately when English teacher Mr. Keating whips up his students into a frenzy about equity and sex. The Welton Academy lads inevitably rebel against their parents and practically overthrow the school, costing Keating his job. Williams’ character ironically states his own problem: “There’s a time for daring and there’s a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.” Keating is not wise enough to realize nothing good comes of changing things when everyone is upset. Perhaps he should introduce his class to Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “Patience Taught by Nature.” With the patience of a blade of grass, students can stand on desks and yell “contented through the heat and cold!” to Mr. Keating any time they want.


In this film that doesn’t stand the test of time, the titular character and his men go on a killing spree, murdering a not-insignificant number of soldiers, damaging Spartacus’ cause. Don’t get us wrong, we understand how bad it is to be forced into the gladiator life, but two wrongs don’t make a right, and a hundred Spartacuses don’t make a martyr. Stealing weapons? Looting from landowners? Who’s going to pay for all that? All the Spartacuses? We think not.


Probably would be a successful film had Old Detroit just used the ED-209 for peacekeeping, at least in those situations where violent crime occurs on the first floor.

Sound of Music

Although there are a lot of toe-tapping tunes in this movie, Captain von Trapp should consider how his actions might affect his fellow countrymen, then lace up his boots, and begrudgingly follow orders until the American troops arrive in Austria to defeat fascism forever.