Having trouble writing incisive, topical satire? No worries! This helpful cheat sheet will tell you everything you need to know to successfully lampoon this year’s biggest, upcoming films!
Kong: Skull Island
King Kong is Trump.
Transformers: The Last Knight
The Decepticons are Trump.
Spider-powers are Trump — they are unimaginably powerful and an incredible burden.
Whatever character Willem Dafoe’s playing. That’s Trump.
Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi
You’d think that Kylo Ren, the film’s whiny, dictatorial, trigger-happy antagonist would be Donald Trump. But actually Captain Phasma, Ren’s second-in-command, is the more applicable Trump analog. Captain Phasma still has the corrupt, self-important, warmongering personality of a great Trump stand-in, but without any of Kylo Ren’s pesky, introspective, two-dimensional self-awareness. Conversely, Supreme Leader Snoke, Kylo Ren’s master, is Steve Bannon (please refer to the related cheat sheet: “Satire II: Which Character is Steve Bannon?”)
Beauty and The Beast
Gaston is Trump.
Being addicted to heroin is Trump.
The ocean is Trump.
The Lego Batman Movie
Given that the title character is literally a thin-skinned, artificial, egocentric, empty-headed billionaire playboy who thinks he’s above the law, who doesn’t go hard on white-collar crime, who goes way too hard on blue-collar crime, who perpetually associates with an all-star ensemble of corrupt, one-dimensional villains straight out of a comic book… I think it’s safe to say that Lego Batman is Trump.
Ragnarok is Trump.
The Mummy is Trump.
Pitch Perfect 3
That one moment, two thirds into the film, where the Barden Bellas are having trouble nailing their acappella harmonies because they don’t believe in the power of sisterhood or something. That’s Trump.
War for the Planet of the Apes
The apes are Trump. Similarly, whatever made ordinary monkeys become uncontrollably, apocalyptically violent… that’s also probably Trump.
The Fate of the Furious
The seductive-yet-dangerous world of high-stakes underground street racing is definitely Trump.
When you see someone trying to take rights away from the X-Men just because they’re “different”… that guy’s Trump.
The misplaced nostalgia for the original 1995 Jumanji is Trump.
World War Z 2
With its impending massive profits and spectacularly poor critical reception, this whole movie is Trump.
Murder on the Orient Express
Whatever character Willem Dafoe is playing. That’s Trump.
Screw it. Everyone is Trump. (Note: this is also true for every other film mentioned on this cheat sheet).