You know when you look up an online recipe, only to sift through a mountain of pointless information just to get to the only section you actually care to read (the recipe)? This is the result of an online marketing trick known as Search Engine Optimization (SEO).
Articles that use SEO are written for the sole purpose of being detected by Google’s search engine. They are needlessly long, painfully drawn out, and a real chore to read.
But we’ll have none of that nonsense here. This hilarious satire article doesn’t care where it lands on Google. We just care about you — the reader — and we want to make you laugh. So, let’s get to it!
But first, what is SEO exactly, and why do we avoid it?
What is SEO?
Let’s start with the basics.
SEO, as we mentioned above, is short for “search engine optimization.”
With SEO, articles are packed with keywords and lengthy sections of text in hopes that these words get recognized by Google, and the article appears near the top of a search results page. This generates more clicks, page views, and ad revenue for the publisher.
But the result is an article that’s dragged out, over-explained, needlessly repetitive, way too descriptive, and just takes forever to get to the dang point!
We don’t participate in these cheap tactics to generate clicks, and here are the top 5 reasons why:
Top 5 Reasons We Never Optimize for SEO
1. Improved Readability
We write humor content for you, not for Google. And we know the last thing you want is an article that is loaded to the brim with irrelevant nonsense.
2. No “Keyword Stuffing”
To appear in more search results, authors might “stuff” their article with words that will be detected by Google. It works, but it makes the article borderline unreadable! You surely wouldn’t appreciate it if our satire article was packed with words and phrases like “funny,” “funny satire,” “funniest satire,” “hilarious article,” “funniest article on the net,” “as funny as Kevin James,” “Spider-Man,” “great satire,” and so on!
3. It Cheapens the Integrity of the Publication
Good satire needs to be written with integrity. Sure, it’s meant to be funny, but the author needs to be serious about what they do. It’s not about getting clicks; it’s about saying something. Something that matters.
4. No Unnecessary Lists
This one goes without saying!
5. No Drawn-Out Articles
Are you fed up with reading an entire essay just to figure out how to change the batteries on your smoke detector? You don’t need an article to string you along until the last possible second before FINALLY giving you what you came for. You’re busy, it’s a waste of time, and your house might be on fire. We don’t make you wait, so let’s jump right into our satire component.
Let’s get to it, the reason you’re all here: the satire. We pride ourselves on dishing out the most gripping, relatable, and flat-out humorous satire on the World Wide Web. And we’re pleased to announce that today’s satire is no different.
But first, just what is satire exactly?
What is Satire?
Webster’s Dictionary defines satire as “humor that shows the weaknesses or bad qualities of a society, government, person, process, etc.” Needless to say, we take this to heart in everything that we do! Every piece of satire we write is done with our finger right on the pulse of society, people, processes, governments, etc.
Speaking of which, we’re about to serve you up a healthy portion of our own trade-mark brand of satire. Ready for this?
The Main Attraction
Without further ado, here’s today’s biting observation on society in general. Be warned, because this satire might just make you re-evaluate how you perceive this highly relatable everyday situation. Here we go:
Have you ever noticed how the person in the emergency exit row of a plane is always shorter than you? What’s with that? And on top of all this nonsense, they aren’t even stretching their legs!
Come on, man, you have a responsibility in that seat. Why even sit there if you aren’t going to stretch your legs out? Other people could be sitting there who would appreciate it more.
Thanks for reading through our satire article. We hope you got as many laughs reading it as we did writing it. Do you have your own stories you’d like to share about some goof in the emergency exit row? Feel free to leave your comments below.