Jane Eyre called Mr. Rochester “Rocky” when they were in bed together. This sucks but is also canon.
Goya originally painted his famous Black Paintings onto the walls of his home to cover earlier drafts of dogs wearing little wigs with bangs.
Jesus wore a puka shell necklace to his own baptism. His cousin John the Baptist made him take it off before they could get started. Bible canon.
If you play Ken Burns’s entire Baseball documentary backward, you’ll hear him explain what happened to the Roanoke colony.
The Phantom of the Opera’s real name was Erik, but he went by “Snooter” when it was just him and Christine hanging out in his lair.
John Wayne was delighted by the fact that the word “buttes” looks like the word “butts,” which is why John Ford filmed in Monument Valley so frequently. This is Western canon.
It’s not well-known, but James Bond has maimed not one, not two, but THREE people by dropping his air conditioning unit onto the sidewalk while trying to install it drunk.
Hieronymus Bosch’s famous triptych painting The Garden of Earthly Delights was inspired by a duck’s butthole he once saw up close — like, real close.
Seabiscuit named his third son Federal Reserve (The Moneymaker). Horse canon.
Jane Austen shipped Lady Catherine de Bourgh from Pride and Prejudice and Miss Bates from Emma in 32 separate fan fics before she got around to writing Persuasion.
Beowulf signed all his emails, “Yaaaaa boy, B” until the end of his life.
Agatha Christie couldn’t do times tables in her head because it was too full of Anti-Semitism.
In the epilogue to the Bible, Noah starts AA. Yes, that’s right: Arks Anonymous. Canon.
Emily Dickinson wasn’t a hermit — she was just bullied into isolation for pronouncing “worm” like “swarm” one time. This is slant rhyme canon.
In Greek mythology, Athena was totally stacked. Cans canon.
Pod Save America was originally entitled And That’s A Fact, Jack. It was still hosted by four white guys.
Gaston did high-rep, low-weight exercises to get those bulging muscles. It wasn’t the eggs, it was the 700 three-pound bicep curls. This is Disney fitness canon.
Napoleon had to pretend horses were dogs in order to ride them. This one isn’t necessarily canon, but it just sticks, doesn’t it?
If you fast-forward through an entire episode of Designing Women on a weekday afternoon at 4 PM CST, you’ll see Julia Sugarbaker look directly at the camera and mouth the words to Ted Nugent’s “Cat Scratch Fever.” This is latchkey kid canon.
Also, the “legend” in Legend of Zelda is Link’s legendary margarita recipe. Canon, baby!