Be warned, this “cozy” and “rustic” place to “commune with nature” is just a 10 by 15-foot room, like a wooden prison cell. Not sure if the listing used a fish-eye lens, but if I wanted a tiny house I would have filtered for one, buddy. — 1 Star
No Wi-Fi? Unbelievable. — 0 Stars
A good price, but the place is shoddily constructed. Makes sense, as I’ve since learned it was built by the owner, some Harvard liberal arts dweeb. — 2 Stars
Pretty, but hard to find. Listing just says “on the shore of Walden Pond” and “on the side of a hill.” Would it kill them to send a Google Maps pin? — 2.5 Stars
No streaming services, just a bunch of dusty books on crude shelves. When I complained, the owner just stared and said, “Books are the treasured wealth of the world.” WTF? I missed the premiere of Billions. — 1 Star
Unclear house rules. There were three chairs, but the listing said each was reserved for “solitude,” “friendship,” and “society.” So am I or am I not allowed to sit in the chairs reserved for overcomplicated metaphors? — 2 Stars
Visited from NYC—roomy! — 3.5 Stars
The landlord greeted us and insisted we “Breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit.” But then a bug flew right in my mouth. — 1 Star
Zero privacy! The creepy loner who runs the place was 100% still living there and barged in unannounced throughout our stay, saying, “Visits are a great interruption to the day.” — 0 Stars
UNSANITARY! Sheets stink like they haven’t been washed in two years. Owner says, “There is no odor so bad as that which arises from goodness tainted,” but I think he was just trying to change the subject. — 0 Stars
I have never seen such dishonest advertising. You can’t mark “pool” under amenities just because there’s a big pond full of turtles. — 2 Stars
DO NOT BOOK—the host is a nightmare. First, we told him we were looking for a weekend getaway to destress from work, and he muttered something condescending about “lives of quiet desperation.” Then, of course, he sprung a bunch of undisclosed fees on us, saying, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it,” which apparently in this context meant a $450 pet fee. — 0 Stars
Doesn’t have a shower or bathtub. When I asked, the rich hippie owner just said, “I bathe my intellect in the stupendous and cosmogonal philosophy of the Bhagvat Geeta.” Maybe he misunderstood my question, but I ended the conversation ASAP because I got anti-vaxxer vibes. — 0 Stars
No Wi-Fi! Unbelievable! — 5 Stars