My Favorite Pair of Granny Panties: Vacation is all about being comfortable, and nothing says comfort like my 100 percent cotton, salmon-pink granny panties.
A Thong: But vacation is also about being sexy and adventurous. I’ll wear these under my leggings or—ooh!—a silk skirt (which I don’t own, but maybe there’s a vacation version of myself that goes out and buys one).
Another Pair of Granny Panties: For day two.
Another Pair of Granny Panties: For day three (if I’m not feeling sexy and don’t end up wearing the thong).
A Backup Pair of Granny Panties: I might need to change midday if I have more discharge than usual.
A Pair of Period Granny Panties: Even though I got my period last week, and it’s been pretty regular since I started my new birth control, you can never be too prepared!
An Emergency Pair of Granny Panties: What if I don’t get my period but injure my vagina? Like I see a carousel ride, and I race to get my first-choice horse, and I slam down so hard that I have to go to the hospital. And then, on the way to the emergency room, I bleed through not only the granny panties I have on but also the extra pair of granny panties I carry around in my purse? That would be so embarrassing.
The Extra Pair of Granny Panties I Carry Around in My Purse: An obvious necessity.
My Least Favorite Pair of Granny Panties: Or what if I get a UTI? That over-the-counter medication turns your pee orange, and I’d hate to stain one of my favorite or middle-tier-favorite pairs of granny panties.
Boy Shorts: I like to think of myself as the kind of person who wears boy shorts on vacation. And what’s a vacation for if not living out the fantasy version of yourself?! In this particular fantasy, I’m a chill girl who walks around her hotel room in an oversized, vintage band T-shirt with my cute little boy shorts underneath. I’m also eating a hamburger for breakfast. I’m also Mila Kunis.
Just One More Pair of Granny Panties: They take up so little room in my weekend bag, I didn’t even notice when I added this last pair.
Lacy Granny Panties: These are different. What if I have the opportunity to hook up on vacation? Lacy granny panties are great because they’re simultaneously comfy (mostly) and sexy (mostly). Except for when they start to droop (because they don’t really have proper elastic), in which case they are neither comfy nor sexy.
Okay, I Swear These Will Be the Last Pair of Granny Panties: I’ve lost track of how much underwear I’ve packed so far, and I want to be sure I have at least one pair of granny panties that I like in here!
And Just One Bra: Actually, I don’t need this.