Dear Elephant in the Ikea-Furnished Room,

You’re really screwing up our feng shui. Don’t feel bad, that spot you’ve chosen between the Akurum and the Flytta has always been a tricky one. We’ve both remarked how surprised we are that you even fit. The Bekväm didn’t! Neither did the Domsjö, even before we installed the Prägel. I know it’s a small kitchen with a vexing infestation of grocery bags (Rationell! Where are you when we need you?!), but can’t you find a different place to perch? Like on top of the Lämplig or along that odd wall space by the Ingo? All we’re asking for is a more direct view of the Ektorp and maybe a little good chi upon the Förby.

Thanks and keep up the good work!

Chloe Bland