Hey, white folks! It’s your friendly, neighborhood black friend here. While you’re out there trying to change your birth certificate to “The Artist Formerly Known As Karen” and questioning everything you’ve ever known about your entire identity, I’ve compiled a list of resources that will help you in the fight to solve racism in one week — wait, that’s not what we’re doing?
- I Know I Haven’t Spoken to You Since Theater Camp When We Were 12, But Thanks For The Five Awkward Texts At 2 A.M That Simultaneously Said That You Loved Me While Spelling My Name Wrong. (This title is also known as, How the Fuck Did You Get My Number? I Thought You Died In 2002.)
- White Friends: Over the Last Week I’ve Gotten a Dozen Calls Asking Me to Jump On a Zoom Call For You, Write a Dissertation For You Or 50,000 Other Ways to Exploit My Black Pain For YOU. No! I’m Exhausted, and It Seems Like You Want Black People to Do All the Hard Labor FOR You! Sound Familiar? (Bonus tip: Hold the book up to your ear to hear the collective groans of black people reacting to your newfound performative activism.)
- HOW THE FUCK DID YOU NOT KNOW THIS WAS HAPPENING FOR 400 YEARS?! (Also available in Audiobook, read by Johnniqua Charles, the “You About to Lose Yo Job” woman.)
- White Fragility
- 13th (Netflix)
- When They See Us (Netflix)
- When You See My Husband On The Sidewalk, Don’t Clutch Your Purse (Quibi)
- The “Jane Elliott Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes” Test (1990)
- The “Black Doll/White Doll” Test (2000s)
- The “OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STILL POSTING PICTURES OF YOUR KALE SALAD? BLACK PEOPLE ARE BEING KILLED!!!!” Test (June 2020)
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So read-up and watch up, my fair-skinned brothers and sisters. Research, educate yourselves, drop your defenses, and listen, for I cannot fight this battle without you. The cookout is here and NOW — so put down your raisins, pick up that foil, and join me on the battlefield!
And to all the allies out there who have been so vocal in supporting black people with your words, deeds and actions: I thank you! But no. You still can’t touch my hair.