[Originally published March 23, 2012.]
I celebrate myself and I blog about myself.
And what I post, you can repost,
For every kilobyte shared by me also belongs to you.
I loaf and sign my soul in,
I CAPS LOCK and LOL at my ease observing cute kittens,
And cynical statements scripted over generic nature photography.
My profile, every pixel of my online presence,
Entered in this interface, this screen,
Created here, born of parents also bearing accounts from this very same social network, and their parents, still on dial-up or possibly land line,
I, now thirty-one years old, in perfect online reputation begin,
Hoping to tweet until death.
Virtual houses and chat rooms are full of pop ups,
The margins are crowded with banners,
I breathe the advertising of myself, and post it and like it.
The likes of my friends’ friends would intoxicate me,
But I shall not let them.
This blog is not a campaign, it has no taste of marketing,
It is without placed product, suggested remedy or contrived spokesperson.
It is on the tips of my fingers forever, I am in love with it.
I will go to Tumblr and start another one, undisguised and naked.
I am mad for random people to contact with me.
The smoke of my own breath, I will Instagram without hesitation.
Picking a grungy, high contrast filter, to encapsulate the moment,
Constructing a window into my life and very temperament.
I will tweet every respiration and inspiration,
Every bite of every sandwich will become instantly shareable,
The comings and goings of my check ins will be announced and broadcasted for all my admirers to appreciate.
The very pieces of earth I have trod will be marked my digitally enabled footsteps.
The sound of my belched, drunken texted words will be uploaded and expressed as audio files.
My kisses and embraces will be expressed as animated GIFs culled from John Hughes’ films of the 1980s.
The delight of browsing alone will be extended by pithy anonymous comments.
Have you reckoned the world beyond the World Wide Web much?
Have you practiced so long to learn to blog and win the approval of social media experts and influencers of culture?
Have you felt so proud to have a post from your own fingers up voted on DIGG?
Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all weblogs.
You shall possess the good of Tumblr and WordPress.
(There are billions of blogs left for the claiming.)
You shall no longer find things at second or third reblogging,
Nor log through the web games of zombies and werewolves,
Nor feed yourself on the hollow specter of an RSS feed.
Now go forth, for tonight you are a blogger, my son.