I recently pitched the following captions to the New Yorker for their Third Annual Cartoon Caption Contest. The cartoon, or, rather, the illustrative portion of the cartoon can be viewed here.

1. What a goddamn motherfucker.
2. What a fucking motherfucking fucker.
3. What the fuck is that fucking fuck fucking think he’s fucking doing?
4. Motherfucking fucker just fucking fucking fucking fucking.
5. Go fuck yourself, you fucking piece of shit.
6. Fucking shithead.
7. Fucking shit-for-brains assfuck.
8. Fucking dog-ass motherfucker.
9. Jesus fucking Christ, would you look at that motherfucker?
10. You’re just too fucking sad about the wrong fucking things, Albert.
11. Son of a fucking bitch. I’m so fucking mad right now. I fuck, would you—fuck—stop fucking around, you fuck.
12. I will shit you, you son of a bitch.
13. Shit and fucking fire, save matches.
14. Listen, you shit, I will fuck you to damn hell for fuck’s sake.
15. It’s a wonderful fucking life!
16. Damnit!!!
17. Still, it would be a great mistake to abandon your work on the perpetual-motion machine.
18. Fuck him.
19. Fuck this shit.