- I’m hungry.
- Hi, hungry, nice to meet you. I’m Greg — and I know I can never replace your “real” dad, but I want you to know that I’ll always be there for you.

- - -

Q: How many stepdads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as it takes to finally give your mom the happiness she deserves.

- - -

A pope, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar… and they all get along really well, just like you and your new sisters will if you’ll just give them a chance.

- - -

- Knock knock
- Who’s there?
- Interrupting stepdad
- Interrup…
- You can call me Greg until you feel comfortable calling me ‘Dad,’ okay, bud?

- - -

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: There is no cheese in that fridge that isn’t yours. We’re a family now.

- - -

Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Say, that sounds fun! We could go to the playground—just us two guys—how ‘bout it, champ?

- - -

Yo mama’s so fat, but she’s the love of my life and I really want this to work.