“Stuff it, Marcia! The only negative feedback loops I’ll be experiencing now are of the quantum mechanical kind.”
“Get lost, Marcia! Because even though you told me I’m good enough, the cash I’m gonna make from investing in 1997 Enron will make me good n’ stuffed (fiscally and nutritionally).”
“Sod off, Marcia! Because you reminded me I can’t control what my family says about my poor career choices and passion for reviving Enron, but now I can manipulate general relativity, which will help me manipulate my relatives, generally!”
“If I may invoke Shakespeare: ‘I do desire we may be better strangers, Marcia!’ You said there were no shortcuts to success, but guess what, how does using a wormhole that cuts through space-time to provide a financial safe haven for my mentors at Enron sound?
“Kick rocks, Marcia! You said I couldn’t prevent my parents’ divorce, but I’m going to make sure they never met by murdering my grandfather.”
“Leave, Marcia! You don’t want me to travel back to the exact moment my wife told me she didn’t find me attractive anymore (after my crossbow/hang gliding accident) so I can re-experience the suffering and derive masochistic pleasure from it. And it’s very petty of you, to be honest.”
“Hit the road, Marcia! You told me I shouldn’t judge my current self based on how my younger self behaved, but I’m going to confront my past self and heavily judge him (fiscally and nutritionally).”
“Hit the bricks, Marcia! No matter what you say to me, I’m going back to the day of the crossbow/hang gliding accident so I can change one variable that I think will alter the incident for the better: more pre-gaming so I didn’t spend as much money at the bar.”
“Scram, Marcia! The only tears I’ll be crying from now on are the ones formed from my natural bodily reaction when traveling faster than the speed of light.”
“Smell ya later, Marcia! You like to talk about cognitive distortions. Well, the only distortion I’m seeing now is how fat my wallet is stretched with all the money I’m saving not going to therapy. Money that I can use for general maintenance/repairs to my time machine.”
“Get out, Marcia! Because that one memory I have of falling off the chair at my bar mitzvah party being the root of my many anxieties, you know the one that you told me I can’t remove? Well, guess what? I’m going back and removing all chairs from the event. Then I’ll be murdering my grandpa.”
“Bug out, Marcia! I won’t be paying your reasonably priced bills anymore. The only debts I’ll owe are to society for not seeing Men In Black more times.”
“Beat it, Marcia! You’re so mad because I’ll be too busy to pay you for sessions while I’m traveling back to July 2nd, 1997 to re-experience opening night of Men In Black, July 3rd, 2002 for Men In Black 2, May 25th, 2012 for Men In Black , and, yup, you guessed it, June 14th, 2019 for Men in Black: International.”
“Toodle-oo, Marcia! I can’t believe I wasted all these years on therapy with you when I could have saved us both time by traveling back to my middle school self and introducing him to Juul technology so I’d be popular and never have any self-esteem issues when I got older.”
“So… how much time do we have left?”