“Netflix … sees the Dahl company as the foundation [of] a potential ‘universe,’ a catalog that can be mined for several overlapping films and TV shows."
— Bloomberg News
The Big Friendly Giant
MADISON SQUARE PARK — MANHATTAN
The Big Friendly Giant [played by Adam Driver] is locked in battle with Nazi giants in giant Nazi uniforms.
The BFG rips a Shake Shack out of the ground and throws it—blammo! It knocks one Nazi giant unconscious.
THE BFG: Would you like fries with that?
His phone rings. He pulls out a giant Samsung Galaxy S23. The caller is Willy Wonka [Jason Momoa].
THE BFG: Wonks, hey. I’m a little busy.
He casually dispatches two more Nazi giants with a spinning kick.
WILLY WONKA (phone): I’m assembling a team, Big Friendly. We need you.
The BFG gracefully cartwheels through a hail of giant Nazi bullets.
THE BFG: Can it wait?
WILLY WONKA (phone): Yeah, it’s no big deal. Just a little thing called “saving the world.” Ever heard of it?
The BFG takes out the last five Nazis with one big punch.
THE BFG: I’m getting too old for this.
A LITTLE KID WATCHING THE FIGHT: Woooooah.
Charlie and the Death Factory
SUPERMAX PRISON — LONDON
Fluorescent lights flicker. Dead prison guards are strewn across the floor. Blueberry juice footsteps lead through the bodies to the prison exit.
A cell’s bars are busted outwards by some sort of inhuman strength. We pan up to the plaque labeling the cell: VIOLET BEAUREGARDE.
WONKA HQ WAR ROOM — LONDON
CHARLIE BUCKET [Robert Pattinson]: Remind me why we want to recruit this guy again?
MATILDA [Anya Taylor-Joy]: Essentially he leverages amplificatory prasiolites to provoke intumescence in a gull-borne prunus persica.
CHARLIE BUCKET: Ummm… in English?
MATILDA: He flies a giant peach carried by seagulls.
Everyone looks around the table like “that just happened.”
Wonka Squad II
PUBLIC BASKETBALL COURT — BROOKLYN
It’s a scorching hot summer day and all the characters are playing a game of pick-up basketball:
- Willy Wonka takes off his Dri-FIT© Nike shirt to reveal a sweaty, incredibly ripped torso
- Someone starts playing “Good Vibrations” by Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch out of a boombox
- Matilda makes a face at the BFG like “show me what you got”
- Onlookers “ooo” and “aah”
- George’s Giant Grandmother from George’s Marvelous Medicine [Dame Judi Dench] does a sweet dribbling trick
- Augustus Gloop [Liam Hemsworth] pops open a blue Gatorade and dumps it over his face
- The Giraffe from The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me and all of the giant bugs from James and the Giant Peach take off their Dri-FIT© Nike shirts to reveal their sweaty, incredibly ripped torsos
- After the game, everyone shares a large Papa John’s pizza
Charlie and the Super Cubes
THE PENTAGON — WASHINGTON, D.C.
CHARLIE BUCKET: Cobra is getting away with the Orange Super Cube in my great glass elevator!
THE FINGERSMITH [Jonathan Van Ness]: That’s Cobra, the infamous cat burglar from The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me, right?
CHARLIE BUCKET: That’s right, The Fingersmith. And you should know; you’re a legendary burglar in your own right.
THE FINGERSMITH: It’s no surprise that you know that, Charlie. A lot of people know who I—The Fingersmith—am.
CHARLIE BUCKET: Sure thing. But we’ll never catch him now. My elevator is the fastest vehicle in the universe.
James [Michael B. Jordan] rockets in on his turbo-boosted giant peach at six times the speed of sound and stops on a dime right in front of them.
JAMES: Yeah… about that.
CHARLIE BUCKET: I don’t get paid enough for this.
GRAND CENTRAL STATION TERMINAL — MANHATTAN
A passerby knocks into Matilda and her bag goes sliding across the floor.
An orange hand picks it up and hands it back to her—it’s the Prince of the Oompa Loompas [Ansel Elgort]!
OOMPA LOOMPA PRINCE: (breathless) Oompa.
OOMPA LOOMPA PRINCE: Doopity.
MATILDA: (whispers) Doo.
Across the terminal the earthworm [Jonah Hill] from James and the Giant Peach lets the flowers he brought tumble to the floor and turns away, heartbroken.
Wonka Squad III: Triple Threat
LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL BAGGAGE CLAIM
A fine leather bag swings around on the baggage conveyer belt.
A silk-gloved hand takes the leather bag by the straps and hails a taxi. We never see the owner’s face.
We pan to the luggage tag on this mysterious figure’s leather bag. It reads simply: OSWALD THE GREATEST FORNICATOR OF ALL TIME, A REAL ROALD DAHL CHARACTER WHOSE DEAL IS HE TRAVELS THE WORLD COLLECTING THE SPERM OF GREAT MEN OF HISTORY, YOU CAN LOOK HIM UP YOURSELF IF YOU WANT, COMING THIS NOVEMBER.
Wonka Squad IV: Deep Blue
LIFEBOAT — THE PACIFIC OCEAN
The entire super team is stranded on a lifeboat. Matilda checks her Google Pixel 9A.
MATILDA: Still no signal on my Google Pixel 9A.
CHARLIE BUCKET: Well, it could be worse.
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX [Chris Rock]: How could it be worse? Miss Trunchbull from Matilda has an army of villains. We’re stuck in the middle of the ocean. The Fingersmith’s fingers are broken. Our best fighter is a giant silkworm. Our psychic is a billionaire playboy who doesn’t play well with others.
HENRY SUGAR [Tom Hardy]: I don’t play well with others.
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX: This kid flies a giant peach. This guy is the Vicar of I-don’t-know-what.
THE VICAR OF NIBBLESWICKE [Jason Derulo]: Nibbleswicke.
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX: I don’t even know how this old dude is supposed to help.
GRANDPA JOE [Tasteful CGI Sean Connery]: You know I can hear you, right?
THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX: I don’t get paid enough for this.
Wonka Squad V: One Last Wonk
BATTLEFIELD — SAHARA DESERT
All forty-six protagonists and antagonists from the fourteen previous movies gather.
WILLY WONKA: Let’s do this.
They all do a CGI battle that takes seven hours.
A LITTLE KID WATCHING THE FIGHT: Wooooah.
After the fight everyone shares a large Papa John’s pizza.