“President Joe Biden is betting that his unprecedented coronavirus vaccine mandate will prevail against a flurry of lawsuits aiming to strike it down. The legal battle is expected to reach the Supreme Court … Republican attorneys general in at least 26 states and numerous private businesses and industry groups have sued, arguing that the mandate is an unconstitutional flex of government power over Americans’ lives.” — CNBC, 11/18/21

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Have you been the victim of a vaccine mandate?

Is the thought of two teeny tiny pinpricks in your left arm so upsetting to you that you are willing to put yourself and others at serious risk?

Can you not find the time to get vaccinated in a country where COVID-19 vaccines are practically being handed out like Halloween candy while other countries are begging for additional doses so they can protect their citizens against this deadly pathogen?

Does it feel good knowing that even though the US has already lost a Seattle’s worth of people in less than two years, we will likely lose even more because folks like you can’t wrap the concept of doing things for anyone besides yourselves around your eight-inch thick skulls?

Are you sticking it to the man by refusing to take two minutes out of your day at your local grocery store or pharmacy to get inoculated even though your family is concerned about other people you might expose to the virus, like your aunt Beth who relies on you as her primary caregiver and just had a kidney transplant?

Did you lose your job as a police officer after you refused to get the shot because, even though public safety is literally the one thing you get paid to do, the only myopic definition of it that you can conjure in your mind is the version where you get to barge through the door of a 7-Eleven and start shooting people?

Do you just hate the idea of being an upstanding, decent member of society, like, as a concept?

Would you rather cite a single dubious study about natural immunity versus vaccine immunity than get two little jabs? Even when the obvious choice for folks with natural immunity—as that same study showed—would be to get the jabs anyway so you can have even more antibodies than the average person, and thus be less likely to infect others, like some sort of super non-spreader?

Have you bought into the fallacy that personal freedom means you can do whatever you want whenever you want regardless of how it impacts other people, even though you follow thousands of other rules put in place for the purpose of public safety that violate your personal freedoms, like how you can’t set off fireworks inside of a mall or do doughnuts in the middle of a busy interstate, both of which are arguably less irresponsible than refusing the vaccine?

As the governor of a state with millions of people, are you so devoid of integrity that you’re willing to let innocent people die just so you can score some political points by passing a bill banning vaccine mandates or asking your AG to file some dick-swinging states’ rights lawsuit, rather than being a voice of reason and standing up to the crackpots on neighborhood Facebook groups claiming that the vaccine is the mark of the beast, or that the vaccine caused Nicki Minaj’s friend’s cousin’s testicles to explode?

Hypothetically, if you were operating a trolley, and you saw, in the distance, a dozen service industry and healthcare workers tied to the tracks, and the only way to switch the trolley to a different track and avoid slicing all of those innocent people open, their blood and dissected organs squirting and spewing everywhere, was to go to CVS.com, type in some basic personal details like your name, zip code, and email, walk to the nearest CVS, feel a tiny pinch for a millisecond while a pharmacy technician named Wendy shoots some mRNA juice into you that’s been proven safe and effective by numerous trials and hundreds of millions of people, then hang out in the CVS for fifteen minutes, maybe buy some M&Ms or stock up on toothpaste and deodorant, and then go home, would you do that? Or would you let the trolley slice a dozen people into human salami because I guess you can’t be bothered?

If so, join our lawsuit today. You may be entitled.