Face it: digital media is broken. Advertising revenues are dropping, employee turnover is skyrocketing, and publications are making ends meet with dimwitted clickbait.
We know that readers want original, cutting-edge content without being burdened with clunky ads. And we pride ourselves on constant innovation within an outdated industry. That’s why we’re moving forward with a new business model to uproot digital media as we know it: straight-up feudalism.
First, we’re doing away with the bloated C-suite. Moving forward, the King will rule all editorial, financial, and legal operations across our newly established feudal state, as His divine right dictates. Media veterans looking to join a groundbreaking publication will receive a plot of land to tend and protect in exchange for publishing ten articles per week and complete loyalty to the Crown.
No experience? No problem. Gone are the days of unpaid internships. We’ll train any and all motivated individuals with the skills they need to succeed: writing, editing, and ploughing the fields. Plus, you will be legally bound to live on a lord’s manor, as serfdom dictates. Why worry about skyrocketing Brooklyn rent prices when you can exchange a portion of your crops for residence and protection from brutal medieval warfare?
That being said, work is only one part of the job. The best way to keep staff happy and committed — besides royal obligation within a neo-feudal state, of course — is through office perks! So feel free to come to the office in whatever tunic and boots suit the day’s work, and while you’re here, enjoy the finest mead on tap and snacks locally sourced from peasant labor.
While traditional manorialism divided tasks by gender, we pride ourselves on our commitment to gender equality in the workplace. That’s why our employees, regardless of how they identify, will have the same opportunities to harvest crops, tend the livestock, and prepare banquets for their lord and his knights. Lords will also maintain an open-manor policy to insure transparent communication, provided they are not preparing to defend the King in holy battle.
You’re probably wondering: How is our company going to grow? Well, we’re not. Instead, our entrepreneurial-minded peasantry will maintain our defense and resources, lest our manor succumb to some listicle website, or some shit like that. And if a lord deems a peasant unfit for the plough and sells them to a neighboring kingdom, fret not — you won’t find any non-compete clauses here.
Media consumers and creators alike have been waiting for an industry shakeup for years. We hope you join us, at His Glory’s divine discretion.
The King (fka Editor-in-Chief)