Troubleshooting Library Computer Problems

Problem: The USB won’t go in.
Solution: Take off the cap.

Problem: I don’t see the cursor.
Solution: Turn on the computer.

Problem 1.0: I need to e-mail this document.
Solution 1.0: Open up your e-mail and send it as an attachment.
Problem 1.1: I don’t have e-mail … I just need to send it to them. Can’t I do that?
Solution 1.1: No.

Problem: I have a 100-page document that I need to print, but I have my own paper, so why do I still have to pay?
Solution: Because trees can be cut down for free by some guy hoping to destroy the Amazon rainforest. Ink takes a little more effort.

Problem: The numbers won’t type.
Solution: Push down on the number-lock key.

Problem: The keyboard doesn’t have elfish characters.
Solution: Freak.

Problem: I cannot play Pogo.
Solution: Have you tried a dating service? There really are better things to do with your time; sure, you’re ugly, but there has to be someone desperate enough.

Problem: Where’s the “any” key?
Solution: Type the following: I-D-I-O-T.

Problem: Your library won’t let me into my Yahoo! mail.
Solution: Try typing it Y-A-H-O-O, not Y-A-H-O-A.

Problem: This ad tells me I have won an iPod Nano.
Solution: Go for the gold, and give them your Social Security number to claim your prize.