Dear Valued Customer,
As you may or may not be aware—depending on whether Daniel Tiger has done an episode yet about global economics—the pandemic has disrupted supply chains worldwide. This has made some of your recent orders impossible to fulfill in a timely way.
For instance, just now you asked for Ups. Mommy would love to lift you in the air, but she simply doesn’t have any Ups in stock today. Even her own personal supply of Ups is so depleted that she’s currently horizontal on the sofa.
No, we don’t know when Ups will be back on the shelf. They usually come with the shipment from our coffee supplier. But even though we’ve been fully stocked with caffeine, Mommy isn’t quite ready to get off the sofa and pick you up. Especially since she knows your next request will be carrying you to the pantry to point at crackers.
Have you directed any of your inquiries to Daddy? You’ve met Daddy, right? His office is in the corner of the bedroom next to the diaper pail.
We truly appreciate your loyal patronage. But Daddy has been at the office all day—you might remember how he was listening to a conference call and scrolling through Twitter during your last diaper change, when you put one hand and both of your feet in poop—so we suspect his stocks are not so depleted.
You also just asked Mommy to “Yook.” This order was accompanied by repeatedly bopping Mommy on the face with a rainboot. If you have concerns, email and phone are better ways to reach our customer service representatives.
Though your request was unclear, we assume you want Mommy to come Yook at what you did to cause that big crash in the kitchen a minute ago. Unfortunately, Yooking is also in extremely low supply here. We know you can’t read yet, but if you’d read the news you would know there’s a nationwide shortage of truck drivers. If Mommy had to guess, that probably has something to do with it.
Where are the truck drivers? To be honest, we haven’t been able to get to the bottom of these news stories, because (as previously mentioned) we are all out of Yooks.
We also acknowledge that, for several months now, we’ve struggled to fill your standing order for More. More bouncing. More silly faces and sounds. More dance party. We’d love to help, but we heard a rumor that More is on a boat lodged sideways in a major canal somewhere.
Or maybe it’s at a port, stacked in a mountain of shipping containers with no one to unload them. Again, something like this is going on everywhere in the world, based on the headlines we’ve skimmed, and as a result, no one has enough of anything. Yes, we see your cracker cup is empty again.
Mommy apologizes for the inconvenience. But you’re not too young to start learning about supply and demand. See, supply is the stack of rapid COVID tests we stashed under the sink for the next time your brother brings a cold home from school. Supply is all the crumbs you gave the cat by smashing your last cup of crackers into the sofa cushions.
Demand is when all of Mommy’s mental resources have been snatched up by endless risk calculations and by trying to reassure herself you’re having a normal childhood. Demand is when the shelves inside Mommy’s brain and heart are bare except for dust outlines where things used to be. Demand is—hold on, what size is that rainboot you just hit Mommy with? Better add that to the list of things you’ve outgrown.
What we’re trying to say is that, at this point, it’s probably too late for Mommy to have supplies in stock for Christmas. But if you order now, we might be able to drum something up for Easter.
Did this answer your questions? If not, please see our FAQ page, or fetch Mommy the remote so she can turn on Daniel Tiger.