1. Ever-present wail of sirens
2. Relentlessly pursued by ghosts
3. Four special pills daily keep ghosts at bay
4. Occasionally eat some fruit
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron today!
McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
Help support our writers and keep our site ad-free.
Become a McSweeney’s Internet Tendency patron today.
Trending 🔥
-
January 24, 2023Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You
-
January 10, 2023Fifteen Long-Overdue Slang Terms for Female Masturbation
-
October 30, 2009Letters From the Hellbox: Caslon, Baskerville, and Franklin: Revolutionary Types
-
January 27, 2023The Narrator of “Jessie’s Girl” Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender Studies
Recently
-
February 7, 2023The Jedi Academy Will No Longer Teach Anakin Skywalker’s Massacre of the Younglings
-
February 7, 2023Short Conversations with Poets: Ross Gay
-
February 7, 2023Correspondence with My Preschooler Regarding Our Updated Dinner Policy
-
February 6, 2023Oh, Look at Mr. Fancy Pants Over Here Eating His Eggs