“Each bottle of Snapple has a fun ‘Snapple trick’ message under the cap! Grab a twist-off bottle today and get ‘twisted’!”
—Snapple promotional materials
1) Glue this cap to your forehead and refer to yourself as “not right.” Beg from homeless people. If asked for directions, explain that you “can’t get theah from heah.”
2) Practice flicking this cap until you can kill pigeons with it. Read Soldier of Fortune magazine. Masturbate.
3) Use “Snapple” in place of all verb forms.
4) Snapple this cap as a monocle. Snapple yourself as “Lord High Viscount of Snapple-dom, Protector of the Republic.”
5) Snapple “Snapple” instead of all adjectives.
6) Snapple a bottle of Snapple as a high colonic. (Snapple snapple Tea snapples well.) Snapple snappling snapple dreams about snappling your snapple step-mother.
7) Snapple the name of a Snapple flavor instead of snapple nouns.
8) Snapple snapple Kiwi-Strawberry moodily, grimly snappling Peach Sun Tea and murderously snappling to snapple Mango Madness, really deliberately and slowly.