Teddy Wayne is the author of the novels Kapitoil, The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, and Loner.
BY TEDDY WAYNE
Never look a gift horse in the mouth, because then you start thinking, Great, now how the fuck am I going to take care of a horse? Not only do I not have a stable, I live in a studio apartment. And then there’s the hay and oats and shots, and I know I should be grateful and everything and not ask for the gift receipt to return it, but this present is way more trouble than it’s worth. Oh, and it’s got pronounced decay in its molars. Just my luck.
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