Is your pain in your ankle?
No.
Did your pain appear after sleeping weirdly one time in your thirties and then stay with you for the rest of your life?
No.
Does your pain go away after a warm bubble bath?
No.
Do you have the time and energy to draw yourself a warm bubble bath, or is it ultimately more trouble than it’s worth?
More trouble than it’s worth.
Does your pain move around your body in a way that makes it hard to pinpoint?
No.
Would your pain still be an issue if you stopped reading Twitter until three a.m. every night?
Yes.
Does your refusal to give up fried food and sugary alcoholic beverages make your pain worse?
No.
Does yoga ease your pain?
Unclear.
Have you tried yoga to ease your pain?
No.
Do you want everyone to stop recommending yoga for your pain even though you know it would probably work wonders?
Yes.
Would your pain disappear if you could go back in time and yell at your twenty-year-old self until they agree to stand up straight and stop treating your spine as if it’s covered by a lifetime warranty?
No.
Could your pain be prevented if you paced yourself in Couch-to-5K instead of thinking, “I bet I can just run the 5K,” and immediately discovering that isn’t the case?
No.
Is the source of your pain at all traceable to the time in college when you jumped out a second-story window on a dare?
More likely than not.
Does capitalism make your pain worse?
It definitely doesn’t help!
Do children make your pain worse?
They definitely don’t help!
Is your pain specific, or is it more of an abstract concept?
Abstract concept.
Is your pain: “It would just be easier to list everything that doesn’t hurt: left wrist is holding up OK”?
Yes!
Want to play again?
Sorry, I can’t. My left wrist just started hurting from flipping all the cards down too quickly.
All images created by the author via Canva PRO