(With apologies to Mr. Yeats.)
I’m doing grand, thanks. Yes, Mr. Yeats, I did get your email. I replied, actually, and explained that before we assign someone to get this issue sorted out, you will need to open up a support ticket.
Right, I hear you. I do want to help you solve this, but our department has a workflow, you understand?
Well, mostly we just tackle things in the order they come in, but having the documentation is really important, just for our own internal purposes. It’s how we keep our digital infrastructure healthy.
Yes, it can sometimes seem like things just keep getting more complicated. But we’re working pretty hard to streamline the way we address technology issues here.
Right—right—
No, I hear you, things sound pretty stressful over there. How about this, I’ll open the support ticket on my end, and you can talk me through the issue over the phone, okay? Great.
Uh-huh, yeah, I can see why that might be an issue. I have to ask—did you try turning the falcon off and on again?
Right, definitely not ideal.
Oh, true, things do fall apart, but you’re not due for a replacement work computer (a 15" MacBook Air, it says here) until next year, so let’s see if we can get the current system back up and running.
Well, I don’t think it’s that bad. The center can hold, I think; this doesn’t seem to be a hardware issue.
Does the error you’re getting actually say that anarchy’s been “loosed upon the world”? Because that’s a pretty suspicious message, and we’ve definitely seen an uptick in phishing attempts this month.
That definitely doesn’t sound good. Huh. It’s displaying an image of what?
I don’t think Spiritus Mundi is native to the Apple operating system… just what browser did you say you’re using?
No, no, it is troubling, sure. But you’re saying there’s no actual error message, just the shuffling body of a lion with the head of a man, its gaze blank and pitiless as the sun?
Right, I’m afraid that doesn’t really point us toward the underlying problem. Let’s try this: open up the disk utility and click on “repair volumes.”
Well, it’s pretty normal for it to move slowly, but—no, no, you shouldn’t be seeing the reeling shadows of indignant desert birds.
When you say that “darkness drops again,” do you mean the display turned off?
Oh—all right—so it’s back on?
How much time does it say is remaining on the system diagnostics?
Twenty centuries? That doesn’t sound right.
Do you know how to force-quit? Try holding down option-command-escape.
No, that calamitous rough beast, the shuffling and inexhaustibly awful march of history, shouldn’t be booting up again.
Okay, sure then, how about this, Mr. Yeats, why don’t you pop down to the third floor and come round by IT—we’re the last row of desks on the right by the supply closet—and we’ll get you set up on a loaner laptop for the time being, okay? Ah, sure, it’s no bother at all. Not at all. Happy to help.