The entire house will go silent. Your cousin will spit out his Labatt Blue. Your aunt will drop the turkey on the floor. Your grandfather will tear the television power cord from the wall in the middle of a game-winning field goal.
“Of course!,” they will exclaim, “Of course we have heard of your company! It may be small, but it’s one of the hottest up-and-coming disruptors in the branded content audience strategy space!”
“Did you work on the internal insights deck for the Qualcomm MLB pre-season pitch?” your aunt will ask. You will nod humbly and take a bite of your ham-and-pickle roll-up. She will gasp and slap her poultry-covered hand to her forehead.
“Is it true you don’t have desks?” your grandmother will ask. You will nod again and crack open a can of Country Time Lemonade. “My stars,” she will say, “it must be so wonderful to not have a traditional office and instead share a bistro-esque coworking space”
“Big ideas catalyze so much faster when people are unsettled,” your grandfather will say. “I wish back when I was at Goodyear I wouldn’t have been stuck behind a door with my own desk, couch, and window. Couldn’t get anything done in that isolation. And not to mention all the quiet!”
Your teenage cousin will run in from outside with a football tucked under his arm. “Do you work in teams or squads?”
“Squads, you idiot!” his sister will shout, running in behind him. “Didn’t you read the co-CEOs’ Medium post?”
“Could we see your Slack team,” the first cousin will ask, “just for a second? I heard there’s a whole channel that’s just devoted to mindfulness!”
“Don’t be a freak!” the sister will say. “But, it is totally amazing that your leadership makes wellness a key pillar of corporate culture.”
“And the free cold brew on alternating Thursdays.”
“That’s why I wish two 24-year-olds shared the role of CEO when I was at Goodyear. We never had those kinds of perks to inspire us to 10x it. Instead, we were just saddled with pensions and company cars.”
Your eight-year-old cousin will run in, his eye wide, his cheeks rosy. “When I grow up,” he will shout, “I want to be a permalancer!” Everyone will laugh. Your uncle will rub your cousin’s golden hair.
“Only if you study hard and get all A’s in your self-created major of Video Games and the Intersectionality of War, just like your cousin here.”
“Now is it true,” your uncle will whisper, “that you’ve got a potential investment from one of the founders of I Can Haz Cheezburger?”
You’ll take a sip of canned Country Time Lemonade and tell them you wish you could say more, but unfortunately, it’s confidential.
“That must be so exciting,” your grandmother will say, “To be able to extend your runway like that. Especially with someone who made an early investment in a YouTuber who was acqui-hired by Bleacher Report!”
“I read about that in FastCompany!” a cousin will shout.
“We’re just so proud of you,” your aunt will say.
“So incredibly proud,” your grandfather will agree. “That’s why we’ve all bought tickets to your TEDxKingOfPrussia talk on the surprising power of content.”
“Can you give us the ten-thousand-foot view?” your teenage cousin will ask. You will take in a breath to tell them, but then the doorbell will ring.
“Oh, that must be your brother,” your aunt will say.
“What’s he doing for work again?” your grandfather will ask
“Cardiology?” your Uncle will offer.
“Something or other with hospitals.”
And you will take a long, beautiful sip of canned Country Time Lemonade.