S. A. Riley
Director of Air Defense Marketing
Raytheon Corp.
Hartwell Road
Bedford, MA 01730

Mr. Riley,

I am writing in regard to your fine Patriot missile defense system. Of course, we all saw the Patriot’s crackerjack performance in the Middle East on TV, but certain developments recently have given me — and some of my like-minded fellow citizens — pause to reflect on the advantages of such a system for home use.

I’m sure you consider yourself a patriot, like I do, in the original sense of the word, and if you’ve ever tuned your Marine Band to 3,760 megacycles, just before sunrise, then you know what I’m talking about. Being a patriot today means a little more than dry runs through the national forest, if you catch my drift.

So, I don’t need to tell you what’s massing in Haiti or what they’ve got parked off the Baja peninsula — the real source of what they call El Niño. You can understand the source of our concern. That is why we have come to consider the service of your fine defense system. We know your product is pricey, but how can you put a tag on freedom. Accordingly, I ask that you send me a color brochure on your latest product line and perhaps answer a few questions:

  • Does the system work well in urban areas?
  • Could the system fit, say, in a panel van?
  • Will the system work by remote control, and if so, Mac or PC format?
  • Is it wired for 110 or 220?

In addition, please let us know when would be a good time to come to the proving grounds for the demonstration.

I await your reply, sir, and will maintain a “holding pattern” on our progress toward freedom until I hear from you. Enclosed is a check for three dollars to cover the catalog postage. Is there any way you could include a Patriot bumper sticker? I’d sure like that. Until then, as the Bible says, “Before the final flash are true men turned.”

Your fellow citizen,

Adam Johnson