I feel terrible even asking this right now. I know you’ve been having a difficult time after what that awful Michael Myers did to you and your friends on Halloween, but are you available to babysit Tommy again this weekend?
I wouldn’t even ask, but we’re having such a hard time finding someone, what with that Myers having killed our two other regular sitters. You’re really our only option at this point. I guess you could say that Michael really slashed the competition!
I’m sorry. That’s not funny. I’m just a little nervous. Annie and Lynda were your best friends and it must have been just terrible to find their dead and dismembered bodies the way you did. Although, Lynda should NOT have had that Bob over while she was sitting. That was terribly irresponsible. If I’m being honest, I’m not sure we would have her sit for us again, even if she had survived the quadruple homicide that has left Haddonfield in shock and without enough babysitters.
And to think how close we came to losing you that night too. It was almost a quintuple homicide! Can you imagine? If Michael had slightly better aim with that knife, you would be dead and we would have even fewer babysitters in town, and we might have to bring Tommy with us to all-you-can-eat-ribs night at Howard Johnson’s. Scary to think about it that way.
I’m sorry, I should have asked right away, but how are you recovering from being stabbed, pushed down the stairs, and strangled? That’s a lot for a girl your age to go through and I wouldn’t blame you one bit if you were feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Not to mention the physical toll it likely took on you. I bet a Saturday evening curled up on the couch, watching movies with our Tommy is just what the doctor ordered! We’ll even bring Tommy to your house if returning to the spot of your near-death is too much for you right now. That’s the least we can do.
Of course, Tommy is traumatized too. Everyone seems to forget that his life was in danger! If we didn’t want to see the new Pink Panther movie so badly, we wouldn’t even consider leaving him right now. We’re so thankful that you were there to protect him. You probably saved his life! Of course, the only reason Michael came to our house in the first place was because he was obsessed with you. So, you are sort of responsible for that part. I guess you could say you owe us!
Ha! I’m just kidding. You shouldn’t feel bad about that. This is not your fault, Laurie. Don’t you go blaming yourself for this or the fact that without any other options, we are down to asking either you or Tommy’s fifteen-year-old cousin Trey to babysit. And Trey’s into some weird stuff, Laurie!
I imagine the Wallaces have already reached out and asked you to sit for Lindsey. It’s just like that Mrs. Wallace to be so insensitive after everything you’ve been through. I at least waited a few weeks before asking, giving you some time to process the tragic deaths of your two best friends and manage your own crushing survivor’s guilt. But I bet she called you right away! She’s like that. Just the other day, I heard her telling Mrs. Tramer that she was going to reach out to you. Did she offer to pay you double? Because we’ll pay you double!
Maybe babysitting is just what you need to start feeling like your old self. Time to get back on the horse and start caring for neighborhood children so their parents can finally get out of the house again. It’s been nearly two weeks! Have you ever hung out with an eight-year-old for two weeks straight without a break? He will not stop talking about baseball stats. We are going crazy! Not “murdering several teenagers” crazy, but close! Again, I’m kidding. With the holidays right around the corner, people are going to need babysitters and if this incident has taught us anything, it’s that Haddonfield does not have enough responsible girls like you. Definitely not anymore.
Obviously, we would all feel safer if they had found Michael’s body after he was stabbed in the neck, poked in the eye, stabbed in the stomach, shot six times, and fell out of our second-story window. It is odd to think he may still be out there after all that, but I wouldn’t worry. I can’t imagine he’s still mad that you were the lone survivor who ended his obsession-fueled murder spree. I’m sure he’s moved on and the fascination he had with you that led to four murders was just a fleeting thing that has likely passed. I just hope he doesn’t kill again. Can you imagine if Haddonfield had even fewer babysitters!?
Anyway, we’ll see you Saturday around six?