Exactly one month ago I came to you all with a dream: to build a machine that could take ocean water and make clean, potable water and sustain life on Earth for eons to come. Some people said I was crazy. Other people said it couldn’t be done. It appears as though they were correct.

The upside? I’m gonna purchase twelve primo hoverboards and GoPro cameras and — fingers crossed — make some awesome videos and post them on YouTube.

When I started this campaign, I really believed (and still believe!) in the cause of purifying drinkable water to help millions across the globe. But after substantial time sunk into research on Wikipedia and some really fascinating subreddits, I learned that this type of thing is really difficult and perhaps better left to “engineer” types.

Plato was the first to say, “Know thyself.” And by knowing the limitations of what I can do vis-à-vis stopping the impending water crisis, I now really do know myself.

Conversely, it’s impossible to see the limits of where these YouTube videos can take me and eleven of my closest friends. (As a mea culpa, I’m considering reserving a slot or two on the crew for those of you who have made the most generous contributions to the desalination machine campaign!)

Without boring you by getting into the proverbial “weeds,” there is a massive and only partially tapped audience for hoverboard trick videos on YouTube. With enough viewers, there is a possibility I could generate money from ad revenue before the videos and even retain sponsors. Some YouTube stars have even gotten major deals from Hollywood. But I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself.

Cheaper hoverboards break and have even reportedly caught fire. By purchasing quality boards, I have assured that your money has been well spent and that you can rest easy knowing that my friends and I will be safe.

1.6 billion people live in areas where there is water, but they can’t afford to drink it. Watching hoverboard videos on YouTube is free.

Imagine me for a second, your humble, formerly aspiring inventor. Now imagine me coming at you at a wicked six to eight miles per hour flanked by some of the coolest bros I know. I think we can agree that 1) your money was well spent, and 2) your thirst has been slaked.

Sure, we won’t have enough water to sustain life on Earth in a hundred years, but glory lasts forever.

Confucius once said: “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.” I’m not ashamed to say that, in a small sense, I did fail. But not unlike a phoenix in the ashes or a man after his hoverboard falls off a sidewalk, I too shall rise.

I thank you for your time, your donations, and if you like what you saw here please like and subscribe to my page for some kick-ass hoverboard content in the very near future!