Yoooo Mr. Spivak of Spivak Recruiting,

My name is Mike, and I’d like to become a Creative Director. Not an Art Director or a Brand Director, but a Creative Director, please. I don’t exactly have a “professional” résumé or portfolio per se, but you can peep my Twitter and I.G. to check out my personal brand. I’m also attaching a screenshot of the time Drake favorited one of my tweets. (Dope, right?)

My qualifications? Where to start… well, I have “Creative Director. New York and Los Angeles. DM me to link and build” listed on my Instagram bio. (I go to L.A. every couple of years.) I overuse the word “aesthetic” and spend at least $100 and $200 a month on pour-over coffee and obscure European fashion magazines, respectively. I also DJ every fifth Tuesday at this rad dive bar in the L.E.S. (That stands for Lower East Side — I have a pretty killer knowledge of New York City even though I have only been living here for three-and-a-half months.)

When it comes to “traditional” qualifications, I should mention I have a degree in marketing and communications. (My parents’ suggestion.) Don’t mistake me for a business guy; I took a PhotoShop elective during my sophomore year and watched a documentary on the designer Milton Glaser at least twice before graduating. I’m really into graphic design, by the way. But, as previously stated, I’m not looking to be anything less than a Creative Director. (Graphic Designer just doesn’t sound as cool, you know?)

I guess I’ve kinda always been a little bit “artistic” and somewhat “aimless.” (My parents’ words.) I’m not trying to become a corporate drone and my family knows I’m too “creative” for a typical job. (My own words.) Most recently, I screen printed some T-shirts and sold them online and made like $320, which is a not bad considering it only cost me $250 for the supplies. I already spent the profit on a neck tattoo though, so I’m definitely looking to start a new job ASAP.

I don’t have traditional references because I’ve spent the few months trying to open a pop-up streetwear store in this shuttered bus station in Chinatown, which is way cooler than having worked some boring office gig with great health insurance. (However, feel free to call Vince, my T-shirt printing guy, or Enrico, my tattoo artist.) Don’t fret though, I’ve still been working my ass off. I hustle hard and tweet about how hard I hustle, but definitely more of the latter. How else do you think I’ve racked up 698 followers on Twitter? Not to brag, but Kanye West’s stylist’s former assistant’s friend follows me. It’s only a matter of time before I get that blue verification check. (Seriously, do you know how I can get verified?)

Honestly, it’s kind of a bummer that modern-day skills like tweeting rap lyrics, making SoundCloud mixtapes, and designing bootleg Gucci T-shirts don’t seem to show up in most job descriptions, but I’m not one to give up hope. To me, being a Creative Director is more than just a career — it’s a lifestyle. It’s all I talk about when I meet people at parties. I was even on a date recently and I had to bring it up myself because she didn’t even ask! She seemed a little annoyed when I spent 45 minutes talking about the font Helvetica, but I just can’t turn my Creative Director-ness off. (Helvetica is the official font of the New York City Subway. Did you know that? My date didn’t but she wasn’t impressed by my knowledge of Swiss typefaces.)

I understand that you and most people think being a Creative Director means having experience working at an “agency” or for a “brand” that actually “pays” a salary. And I get it, but that’s a pretty old-fashioned way of thinking. To me, a Creative Director is anyone who can masquerade as vaguely interesting via social media and probably has rich parents. It’s a person who conducts all of their personal and professional business in the DMs. Internet clout may not pay the bills but that is what a trust fund is for.

I am all of these things and more. I’m always posting photos of the mid-century armoires and fiddle leaf plants I see at coffee shops. I own an Eames chair. I know who the fashion designer Raf Simons is. I’m ready to take my skills to the next level!

Can please you help me find a real Creative Director job? Or did I misread the LinkedIn post about your temp agency that my dad sent me? Either way, he says hello and hopes you, Laurie, and the kids are well.


P.S. Please follow me on Instagram.