My name is Kassie H. I’m twenty-one years old, and I’ve been a pre-girlfriend for over eight years. That sounds long enough, I know, but they actually won’t let us become Girlfriend until we’re over eighteen. It’s the rules.

For eight years, my job was to wait until he needed me to step in. Yesterday, the guardians told me that I was finally needed by Mr. DiCaprio. After four years of service, his old Girlfriend, Camila M., “completed” on the occasion of her twenty-fifth birthday. Now I know how that sounds, but when a Girlfriend “completes,” it doesn’t mean that she and Leo weren’t happy together. There are some really good Girlfriends, like Blake L. or Erin H., who have been told to stop after only one year. And I know at least two Girlfriends who held on for six years. But the body has its limits. We are simply not made to last past age twenty-five.

Anyway, I’m not making any big claims for myself. Just because I’m the next Girlfriend doesn’t mean I’m any different than they are. The eight years just means I’ve had time to prepare. While Leonardo DiCaprio was dating Kelly R. and Nina L. and Camila M., I studied History from the guardians, so I could understand the time before I was alive. History goes back to 1974, when Mr. DiCaprio was born, so that’s a lot of things to learn. We also watched old movies like The Wolf of Wall Street and The Revenant. I like the oldest ones the best, even though they’re harder for me to understand. My favorite is Romeo + Juliet. I can’t always follow the old way they talked back in the 1990s, I guess, but I like to imagine that, when I meet Mr. DiCaprio, he’ll see me through the fish tank, and I’ll be wearing angel wings.

Lots of Mr. DiCaprio’s Girlfriends have worn angel wings.

It can get lonely here while you’re waiting to become Girlfriend, but we are good company to one another. We comb each other’s flaxen hair and read fairy tales like “Rapunzel” and “Bluebeard” and listen to Lana Del Rey. Sometimes we have a Craft Day. Everyone gets a pile of old copies of People and Tiger Beat and we cut out pictures of Leo to make collages. Rylee P. heard that, if we make a good enough collage, Leo might let us be Girlfriend forever. I try not to get my hopes up, but I always do my best. I cut neatly and use safety scissors so I don’t nick his boyish cheeks. They look smooth in the pictures, like peaches.

When one of us leaves to become Girlfriend, it is always a little sad. I have seen this happen three times. We miss her, but we know she’s going to a better place, and there will always be another girl. When Camila became Girlfriend, we got Daenerys K. She’s nine now, so it will be a long time before she’s ready. She’s already using retinol.

I think I’ll be good at the job of Girlfriend. Again, I’m not claiming to be anyone special, but I work hard and take my job seriously. I want to make the four years before I complete count. Sometimes at night, I twirl in front of the mirror and sing along to my favorite song, “My Heart Will Go On.” It makes me feel hopeful. I have never been on a boat, but I make sure to stay neat and watch my figure in case we both need to fit on a door.

I like the idea of my heart going on, even though I know that I am destined to complete. Until then, I will be Kassie H., and I will be his. When my last birthday comes and he asks me what I’d like to do, I already have my answer. “Let’s stay in and watch you in The Beach,” I’ll say. “I loved you in The Beach. Critics back in the year 2000 were wrong.”

Together, we’ll nestle into his pristine white couch and let his image light us up with the glow of his youth. Perfect and complete. Forever twenty-five.