## Item #1: Lamp Price: \$1.00

ME: Would you take fifty cents for this lamp?

LADY: The lamp is marked a dollar.

ME: I can’t go higher than seventy-five cents.

ME: That’s of no concern to me. Would you take seventy-five cents? Yes or no?

LADY: I… yes, I suppose I would.

ME: Then you’ve got yourself a deal, lady.

- - -

## Item #2: A copy of Chicken Soup for the Grandmother’s Soul Price: Ten cents

ME: [Absentmindedly flipping through some pages]

ME: I’ll give you a nickel for it.

LADY: All books are a dime.

ME: That’s crazy. That price is crazy. I’ll tell you what — I’ll give you the full dime for this book, if you throw in that chair over there.

LADY: The chair is priced at five dollars.

ME: So, would you do both — the chair and the book — for ten cents?

LADY: You can have the book for ten cents.

ME: As previously stated, I’ll give you a nickel for the book. Not every book is worth the same price. Plus, I’ve already read this one.

ME: [Unflinchingly] I have.

LADY: So, why do you want it, then?

ME: [Silence]

LADY: [Long pause] Sigh. I guess I’ll accept a nickel.

ME: That’s a smart decision. Deal.

- - -

## Item #3: Dinner plate Price: Fifty cents

ME: What do I gotta do to get that dinner plate for thirty cents?

LADY: I’m sorry, I’m not really sitting out here to bargain for every last…

ME: Thirty-five cents! But that’s my final offer.

ME: Forty cents.

LADY: The plate is marked fifty cents. And I think that’s a very fair price.

ME: [Long pause] Forty-one cents.

ME: [Without breaking eye-contact] Forty-two cents.

LADY: You would honestly rather count out forty-two cents than just give me the full fifty cents?

ME: I absolutely would, yes.

LADY: [Very long pause] OK. I’ll take forty-two cents.

ME: Deal. [Checking pocket] Actually, I only have two quarters. Do you have eight cents in change?

- - -

## Item #4: Toaster Price: \$2.00

ME: I would never pay two dollars for that toaster.

LADY: That doesn’t seem like such a high price to ask. It’s basically brand new. I just happen to have a…

ME: [Interrupting] I would, however, pay a dollar-fifteen for a toaster, if you’re willing to take the deal right now, lady. Take the deal. Take. The. Deal.

LADY: This toaster is in perfect working condition.

ME: So is my money.

ME: Would you accept a dollar-fifteen?

LADY: No. Somebody else will come along and …

ME: Nobody else is coming here to buy your toaster today, lady! Now I’m only willing to pay a dollar and ten cents. My offer actually went down.

ME: [Sternly, with squinty eyes] As serious as a toaster.

LADY: What does that even mean?

ME: You know what it means. And now my offer is a dollar and five cents.

ME: [Pretending to check my watch, which is actually just my bare wrist] Time’s a’ticking, lady.

LADY: OK, you can have the toaster for a dollar and five cents.

ME: Deal! [Checking my pockets] I must’ve dropped my last nickel. Would you take a dollar for it?

ME: Deal.

- - -

## Item #5: Wristwatch Price: \$4

ME: Again, I wasn’t actually checking my watch just now, because I don’t happen to own one. At least, not yet. I will. Soon.

ME: You’re coming across as a little cheap, honestly. I live right over there, and I’d love to not have to spread the rumor to everybody that you’re a very stingy yard-sale lady.

ME: [Staring]

LADY: Fine. You can have the watch.

ME: You’ve got yourself a deal. Thank you for not being cheap.

- - -

## Item #6: Chair Price: \$5.00

LADY: Are you ever going to leave my driveway?

ME: Eventually. With your chair in my truck.

LADY: Well, I’m not going to go below five dollars. It’s a very nice chair that’s been in my family for years.

ME: And I’m not going to ask you again to go less than five dollars.