“Trump admits he is undermining USPS to make it harder to vote by mail.” — The Guardian, 8/13/20

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Every year the United States government pours millions of taxpayer dollars into constructing and maintaining a messy system of highways, byways, expressways, and freeways. But does this unsightly infrastructure turn a profit? Far from it. The Department of Transportation has been egregiously operating in the red for decades with no plan whatsoever to balance its books. Accordingly, the Wall Street Journal editorial board fully endorses President Trump’s bold plan to “Destroy all the roads! Blow them straight to hell!”

Many partisans on the left have cried foul at the president’s assertion that “Dems can’t vote if they can’t get to the polls!” But voter fraud in this country is rampant, numbering in almost the tens of cases every four years. In such a heated election, those handfuls of cases could quickly somehow balloon from just a few to tens of millions — if not billions — of fraudulent ballots cast if we continue to allow easy access to the polls. So it makes sense to demolish every “fraud-way,” these malefactors use to get to the scene of their crime. And if millions of other voters are disenfranchised in the process, that’s just the price we are willing to pay to ensure the Founding Fathers’ original vision that only a few elite, propertied white men should determine the fate of the country.

Much has also been made of the president’s plan to use the military to help fulfill his vision of a roadless America. Turn on MSNBC or CNN and the usual talking heads can be heard screaming “coup,” or “treason,” or “It’s madness to bomb ourselves! Why won’t anyone stop this lunatic?” Last time we checked, the president of the United States was still the Commander in Chief of the nation’s armed forces. Of course, leftists hate executive power unless they’re the ones exercising it in an unprecedented desperate attempt to steal an election. As the president so eloquently put it, “We rolled the roads out, we can roll ‘em back up. Just like a carpet, folks. Except we’re actually going to rip ’em up. Rip that bad carpet right up with our BEAUTIFUL MILITARY.”

Bombing and blasting every road until they’re “nothing but piles of rubble,” does pose challenges to a nation dependent on driving in order to transport themselves and goods around the country. America, however, has always been a country of innovation. Alternative transportation companies from helicopter tours to private jet services to booze cruises have found profitable ways to move people around that doesn’t require the government sinking billions of dollars into an infrastructure pit. People nostalgic for the days when America’s highway system accelerated its rise to a global economic power after World War II haven’t stopped to consider what the future could hold. Whether it’s long overdue personal jetpacks or some form of teleportation, it’s exciting to think about what we will achieve free from our dependence on outmoded car paths. The only thing impeding the development of flying cars could very well be our concrete crutches.

Finally, a lot of handwringing and teeth-gnashing has been done in response to President Trump’s (mostly sarcastic) proposal to “nuke nasty liberal LA.” Los Angeles, of course, is the epicenter of the nation’s traffic and roads problem. Using a single rock to destroy an entire flock of birds is indisputably more efficient than wasting a whole barrage. And that, at its heart, is why liberals can’t stand Donald Trump: he’s efficient.