Destroy my driveway with a jackhammer. (I sleep through anything.) Excavate 9 to 11 inches deep. Install brick pavers, arranged in any pattern, but preferably with a dramatic circle of stones in the middle. Hilarious!

Carefully sneak around back. I’ll leave the light on so you can see. Situate fine-grained teak furniture—eight chairs and an oversize table—on the deck. For an extra-big laugh, be sure that the furniture is made using mortise-and-tenon joinery.

Steal my old Honda Civic (the keys will be on the seat) and replace it with the flagship Lexus. Now imagine the look on my face when I go outside to get the paper! Priceless.

Buy a dozen eggs and go home. Follow a recipe for an overnight omelet. (I can send you one if you want.) Sneak into my home during the night. (Door will be unlocked.) Place prepared egg mixture in fridge. I’ll take it from there in the morning.