Let’s face it: streaming is broken. Content constantly disappears from your favorite platforms, new services pop up every day, and each streamer comes with a confusing variety of pricing options. Do you pay $7.99/mo for ad-light? $9.99/mo for no ads? $12.99/mo for just ads featuring a shirtless Regé-Jean Page? It’s impossible to keep track of it all. That’s why we created a brand new service that bundles all of your favorite content for one flat, monthly fee, called Kaybl!
Our service is different from those old-school, digital content providers. Thanks to our patented browsing system, Chanlz, our content is constantly looping on thousands of numbered streams that operate 24/7.
That’s right. No more having to type out all the letters in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel one by one, or using a voice recognition remote that keeps misinterpreting Wandavision as “One Division.”
With Kaybl, searching for shows is simple thanks to the Gyd feature — a state-of-the-art search engine that displays all of the content on Kaybl on a single grid organized by channel number and time of day.
Plus, Gyd has exclusive interviews with America’s hottest stars, like MTV video jockey and teen heartthrob Pauly Shore, or star of critically-acclaimed police procedural Blue Bloods, Tom Selleck.
And we promise that your favorite shows will never leave Kaybl. If you want to watch the Friends episode, “The One with all the Poker,” and it happens to be 2 AM on a Tuesday, rest assured it’ll be there. That’s the Kaybl guarantee.
But we don’t just have reruns of popular shows. We have tons of exclusive content that you can only get on Kaybl!
We have all of the CSIs — CSI: New York, CSI: Las Vegas, CSI: Miami, CSI: Salt Lake City, Mormon Murders, and even the brand-new CSI: Green Bay, where they mostly investigate cheese fraud and banter about the Packers’ lack of depth on defense.
We also have documentaries about WWII submarines and documentaries about how documentaries about WWII submarines get made.
Plus, we have not one but two shows about the lives of wealthy married women in greater Los Angeles.
But most importantly, we have sports! Only on Kaybl can you get your daily dose of two hours of sports, followed by 22 hours of people talking about sports.
We may not have Bridgerton, but we do have plenty of similar things, like the 2015 historical thriller, Bridge of Spies, reruns of the short-lived crime drama, The Bridge, and the weather forecast for Bridgeport, Connecticut. Sure, all of the good parts of Bridge of Spies will be censored, and it’ll take five hours to watch with all the ads, but that’s a small price to pay for Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance’s on-screen odd-couple chemistry!
Some people say we’re crazy. They say nobody will want to pay $120/month for Kaybl. Well, that’s what they said about those crazy bastards at LandLyne who make those big indoor cell phones that plug into the wall. And guess what? They’re selling nearly dozens of those a day.
So say goodbye to trying to remember which streaming service Little Fires Everywhere is on. Say goodbye to getting a trial of Apple TV just to watch Ted Lasso. And say goodbye to forgetting the family Netflix password and having to text your dad for it, but then your dad doesn’t text back right away, so you call him, but now he wants to catch up since it’s been a while since you last talked, and then when you finally get around to asking for the password, he nags you about the fact that you’re still on their family phone plan even though you’re 30 and married, so now you’re going to have to spend the rest of the night looking into switching to T-Mobile.
Instead, join the millions of cord adders who are ditching streaming for the service where everything is included for one flat rate!
Except for heavyweight boxing, of course. You’ll have to pay extra for that.