Waiter at Olive Garden
“You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!”

Docent at the Museum of Natural History
“You ever fought a dinosaur, kid?”

Pornographic-Film Director
“Now remember I want 500 hard ones. Go!”

Funeral Director
“I think that people die sometimes when they don’t wanna live no more.”

Volunteer at Local Soup Kitchen
“I’m running a business here, not a soup kitchen.”

“Down! Down! Stay down!”

Stock Boy at Payless ShoeSource
“Women weaken legs!”

Assistant Manager at KFC
“I want you to chase this little chicken.”

Salesman at Sleep Country USA
“Don’t lay down like this! Like, uh, I don’t know, like some kind of mongrel or something.”

Wake-up Caller at Holiday Inn
“Get up, you son of a bitch! ’Cause Mickey loves you!”