One: If it seems like it’s too heavy, it is too heavy—unless it’s your brother, in which case, he ain’t too heavy.

Two: If the rain is flowing like tears from the sky, call in sick—it’s cool.

Three: There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.

Four: It really is a good idea to import tea and oranges all the way from China—especially the way the world is going these days.

Five: Scrap all the words like “maximize,” “incentivize,” “amortize,” “enhance,” “enable,” and “team-building” from your vocabulary and replace them with “sorrow.”

Six: Suits are cool, as long as you wear them without shoes or socks.

Seven: Yearning, that’s the ticket. Yearning and heartache. Yearning and heartache and longing and—well, you get it.