“Thousands of candles can be lit by one candle without the life of its wick being shortened, but what did those candles ever do for you?”

“Joy springs from an empty mind like, Wow.

“The best way to control a horse is to give him a wide field to roam. The second best way is to make a hollow prison in the shape of the horse and lock it inside”

“It is the nature of Buddha to honor all of the creatures of earth with really terrible, sincere poetry that he is super defensive about.”

“If you are stressed out, you must not be very good at Buddhism. You should probably quit.”

“Don’t meditate on the toilet. I know you are going to try it. We all tried it, but you will regret it like the rest of us.”

“It might seem ironic to buy a bunch of Om symbol merch, but how else will people know how free from desire you are?”

“The man who lives with pure intent need not fear death; only Dracula.”

“There is going to be a guy named Jesus at some point, and that’s fine.”

“If you think about karate while you are meditating, that is very cool.”

“To truly live is to face death moment after moment, in car accident after car accident.”

“A man need not worry if he has been good or bad in his past, only if he is buff.”

“To live unselfishly, with only love for others, but to still be effortlessly beautiful in a way that makes other women insecure: That is the Buddha’s way.”

“Yoga makes your ass awesome.”

“To sit and meditate is a joy pure enough to kill 15 minutes, twice a week or so.”

“Do not dwell on the past. Do not fret about the future. The present piranha situation should probably take priority.”

“To those who have reached enlightenment, it is nothing special. To those who haven’t, I’m like, “Holy shit. Wow. That sucks.”

“The present is probably, like, something else? Give me a couple days.”