Chekhov’s Gun states that a gun introduced in the first act must be fired by the last.

Stephen King’s Gun: A gun introduced in the story must later fall into the protagonist’s hand at the precise moment she needs a gun.

John Updike’s Gun: The protagonist must eventually replace the gun with a younger, more beautiful gun.

Cormac McCarthy’s Gun: The gun must later be used to commit an act of unspeakable violence that alludes to the rotting blackness that exists in humanity.

Toni Morrison’s Gun: The gun must slowly build in importance over the course of several interrelated works.

Jack Kerouac’s Gun: If a character mentions a gun at the start of a lengthy digression, then the rest of the digression must not relate to a gun at all.

Sylvia Plath’s Gun: The true nature of the protagonist’s relationship with the gun must only be alluded to in off-handedly poetic prose the reader will likely miss on the first read.

George Orwell’s Gun: 70 years after publishing, the gun must be used to justify an argument against socialized medicine.

Dr. Seuss’ Gun: If a gun is introduced at the end of the first line, you must do everything in your power to not rhyme it with “fun” in the next line, no matter how tempting.

J.R.R. Tolkein’s Gun: We must have detailed context on the region that produced the gun, including economic strengths, trading partners, cultural makeup, etc.

Mark Twain’s Gun: If a gun is introduced in the first act, it must be rigorously examined by 11-year-old students still shell-shocked by their teacher reading the n-word aloud.

Suzanne Collins’ Gun: The effervescent protagonist must demonstrate effortless expertise with the gun and any other tools she comes across.

William S. Burroughs’ Gun: A gun introduced in the first act must turn into a phallic alien by the last act.

Robert A. Caro’s Gun: The gun’s life story must be told in great detail over a series of 1,000-page books that challenge the public’s perception of the gun and the biographical form altogether.

Harper Lee’s Gun: The gun’s nature must be subverted in a sequel decades after its first appearance.

Ernest Hemingway’s Gun: If a gun is mentioned in the first act, don’t worry about it, sometimes people just have guns lying around and that’s their damn business.

Dostoevsky’s Gun: If a gun is mentioned in the first act, we must have a detailed account of all the gun’s relations by the end of the book.

Hunter S. Thompson’s Gun: Be sure to introduce several guns in the first act. One gun per act shortchanges your gun-hungry readers.

J.K. Rowling’s Gun: If a gun is mentioned at the start of the story, its sexuality must be announced ten years after the book is published.