“Yes, We Are Well Aware It Is Christmas. Please Stop Calling Us”

“I Wrote the Book of Love, but Unfortunately, Due to Improper Copyright Registration, It Has Since Lapsed Into Public Domain”

“The Bop Was Put in the Bop-Shoo-Bop-Shoo-Bop by Bristol-Myers Squibb, an International Consortium Dedicated to Improving Public Health Through Access to Medicine and Bop”

“Love Has Everything to Do With It If, By ‘It,’ You Mean Romantic Relationships, but Significantly Less If You Were Talking About Auto Repair”

“It Is Good for Defending Oneself Against Territorial Aggression. That’s What It’s Good For”

“I Am Afraid That It Is Your Unpleasant Personality That Has Been Preventing Me From Loving You, Rather Than Any Previous Inability to Dance”

“I Am the Individual Listening to This Song. I Am the Individual Listening to This Song. I Said, “I Am the Individual Listening to This Song.” I Just Answered That. I Said I Just Answered That! Are You Even Listening? I’m Going Now"

“The Answer to Your First Query Is That Love, Like All Emotions, Is Inherently Irrational, and Thus Seems Particularly Well-Suited to Be Felt by Fools. I Decline to Answer Your Second Query, on the Grounds That It Is Homophobic”

“I Is Ain’t, and Will Continue to Ain’t for the Foreseeable Future”

“$57 (MSRP As Shown. Waggly Tail Extra. Delivery Charges May Apply.)”

“Yes, Although Less So Than the Night Before”

“Yes, We Are Not Men. I Mean, No, We Are. I Mean— Oh, Never Mind”

“Not Surprisingly, It Feels Much Like Being a Rolling Stone”

“58 Miles (93.342 Kilometers)”

“No, You Never Told Me That. Thanks, Though”

“The Latter of the Two Possibilities You Have Described Is the Correct One”