[Originally published February 24, 2010.]

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Why did the Marxist-Socialist cross the road?

To get to the Marxist-Socialist sit-in on the other side of the road.

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How many Marxist-Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb, one to lament Milton Friedman’s laissez-faire economic policies.

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A Marxist-Socialist walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s unionized.

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Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A Marxist-Socialist.

A Marxist-Socialist who?

A Marxist-Socialist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.

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What did one Marxist-Socialist say to another?

Like you, I also advocate a proletarian revolution culminating in collective ownership.

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What do you get when you cross a Marxist with a Socialist?

Two people who generally feel that the value of a commodity is equal to its socially necessary labor time.

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What’s the difference between a Marxist-Socialist and a Keynesian economist?

Several things, including but not limited to the following: The Marxist-Socialist believes that workers should own the means of production, whereas Keynesians support the private ownership over the means of production. Marxist-Socialists believe that centralized government would ultimately wither away after a revolution, whereas Keynesians advocate greater government action to ensure full societal employment. Finally, a Marxist-Socialist would not be invited to a party that a Keynesian was throwing at work because the Keynesian knows that the Marxist-Socialist would throw a stink about the way the cubicles in the Keynesian’s office were arranged.

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How do you get a one-armed Marxist-Socialist out of a tree?

Ask two teamsters to drive three AFL-CIO riggers each carrying an IAFF approved ladder to the tree and help the one-armed Marxist-Socialist down.

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The Marxist-Socialist’s mother is so fat, that when the Marxist-Socialist’s mother laments stagflation, she actually stagflates.

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A Priest, a Rabbi and a Marxist-Socialist are in an airplane that is going to crash and there are only two parachutes. The Priest says, “I have always followed the word of Jesus, so I should have one of the parachutes.” The Rabbi says, “I paid for the plane rental, so I should also have one of the parachutes.” The Marxist-Socialist says, “I would normally advocate allocating these out according to one’s means, but I’m afraid of dying and would like one of the chutes, please.”