[Originally published February 24, 2010.]
Why did the Marxist-Socialist cross the road?
To get to the Marxist-Socialist sit-in on the other side of the road.
How many Marxist-Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb, one to lament Milton Friedman’s laissez-faire economic policies.
A Marxist-Socialist walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’s unionized.
A Marxist-Socialist who?
A Marxist-Socialist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.
What did one Marxist-Socialist say to another?
Like you, I also advocate a proletarian revolution culminating in collective ownership.
What do you get when you cross a Marxist with a Socialist?
Two people who generally feel that the value of a commodity is equal to its socially necessary labor time.
What’s the difference between a Marxist-Socialist and a Keynesian economist?
Several things, including but not limited to the following: The Marxist-Socialist believes that workers should own the means of production, whereas Keynesians support the private ownership over the means of production. Marxist-Socialists believe that centralized government would ultimately wither away after a revolution, whereas Keynesians advocate greater government action to ensure full societal employment. Finally, a Marxist-Socialist would not be invited to a party that a Keynesian was throwing at work because the Keynesian knows that the Marxist-Socialist would throw a stink about the way the cubicles in the Keynesian’s office were arranged.
How do you get a one-armed Marxist-Socialist out of a tree?
Ask two teamsters to drive three AFL-CIO riggers each carrying an IAFF approved ladder to the tree and help the one-armed Marxist-Socialist down.
The Marxist-Socialist’s mother is so fat, that when the Marxist-Socialist’s mother laments stagflation, she actually stagflates.
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Marxist-Socialist are in an airplane that is going to crash and there are only two parachutes. The Priest says, “I have always followed the word of Jesus, so I should have one of the parachutes.” The Rabbi says, “I paid for the plane rental, so I should also have one of the parachutes.” The Marxist-Socialist says, “I would normally advocate allocating these out according to one’s means, but I’m afraid of dying and would like one of the chutes, please.”
SUGGESTED READSList: Versions of Well-Known Films in Which the Protagonist Has Been Replaced With Leon Trotsky
by Erick Peterson (10/22/2004)
List: The Songs of Lenin and McCarthy
by Jimmy Chen (10/11/2007)
North Korea’s Most Controversial Standup Comic Performs At The People’s Shack Of Laffs
by Brian Agler and Luke Burns (12/3/2009)
RECENTLYExcerpts From the Gilmore Girls Revival Script, Which Seem to Indicate That Aliens Play a Large Role in the Show
by Tim Hayes (9/23/2016)
List: Lesser-Known Writing Fellowships
by Kathleen Founds (9/23/2016)
Inside Witnesses: One Crime’s Many Narratives: Shira and Her Boss Take Care of Business
by Marti Jonjak (9/23/2016)
POPULARIt’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
by Colin Nissan (9/22/2016)
An Honest Intern Application Cover Letter
by Nick Hughes (9/19/2016)
I Went to a Trump Rally. What I Found There Was a Bunch of Other Journalists Already Writing This Article
by Dan Hopper (9/15/2016)