“Your car is unreliable and poorly maintained.”

“Your friends secretly agree that your head is too small for your body.”

“The man you’ve just hired to paint your house is an alcoholic. His work will be mediocre at best.”

“Your roommate is stealing from you.”

“The pants you’ve recently purchased are unfashionably short.”

“You frequently mispronounce ‘Antarctic,’ and ‘volumptuous’ is not a real word.”